Well, I can say with 110% certainty that Progeny will absolutely be an only child. Not because we don't like kids, but because I absolutely cannot do this again. No freaking way.
Let's start with the good news. My f/u appointment with the High Risk doc went well. He said my bloodwork was all normal and between the scan and the bloodwork we are very low risk of Downs which was a relief. He also agreed with the OB that BP meds are not necessary at this particular moment, but that doesn't mean they won't be. He wants me to keep on my low sodium diet and keep slamming the water to help maintain it. He is recommending what is called co-management to my OB, which is sort of what brings me to the next round of fun.
Starting in 2 weeks I will get to see Progeny every other week via u/s. Why you ask? Well because my cervix is at risk of failing due to all the work I've had done to it. In addition to the cervical length measurements that will be going on, I'll be what's called co-managed by the OB and the High Risk doc. Essentially she will do my monthly care and my cervical u/s's. If shit gets real, she boots me over to him. If everything goes well, then I will begin seeing him when I'm in the 3rd trimester. He's thinking around 32 weeks we will have to start doing non-stress tests to make sure Progeny is doing well, possibly twice a week. Which means I will roughly have anywhere from 2-3 doctor's appointments a WEEK starting with my 3rd trimester.
Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to have such wonderful proactive doctors. I've never suffered a second/third trimester loss so the fact that they are even monitoring my cervix is seriously a blessing, but it doesn't really make this all easier to handle. I'm terrified. ALL. THE. TIME. I'm not happy and enjoying this pregnancy. I'm losing my ever loving mind. I never expected to make it past the 8 week mark and oh my god did I think the stress of that was bad. HA! It's nothing on the stress that's coming.
I haven't even bought anything for Progeny yet. We did buy this photo plaques for our parents to reveal the pregnancy, but that's it. I'm even dreading doing that. I'm such a private person who tends to push people away when I'm stressed so having the parents involved will be a whole different ball of fun. I'm sad about it too. I always imagined I'd be so excited to tell our parents, but I'm not. I'm only telling them because my stomach is getting to that "she's pregnant" phase. It just looked like I was fat before, but it's definitely looking like an actual belly now and I can't hide it from them.
I know there will come a time when I'll look back on all this and hopefully be holding our little Progeny in my arms and know it was all worth it....it's just so hard to see the big picture when you're knee deep in stress.
Oh hon, I'm so so sorry that you have all this new added stress. While I agree that it's awesome your doctors are being proactive and monitoring you well, I can't imagine the stress that you are now under. I will most definitely be keeping you in my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteHi, I ran across your blog searching for P4 levels and wanted to say that I have a fairly similar story to you. I had 3 miscarriages, decided I might be ok being CF then found out I was pregnant, I had a rough, high risk pregnancy also, and found it pretty much impossible to be happy about anything that was going on. I actually sought counseling half way through because of depression issues (which is not my norm). It is extremely difficult to go through mourning the loss of pregnancies and then be surprised by one after you think you have moved on. So big hugs, and I hope that things are still progressing ok for you.
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