Yeah, That's Right, Who's The Boss?!?!

Woke up this AM with some pretty craptastic cramps and when I took my OPK, it didn't disappoint. It was almost positive and then tonight, that's what I got. Woot! While I am uber grateful to finally be O'ing, I am a tad disappointed that it wasn't any earlier this month. Hopefully my progesterone will be good though. I can use some good news!

Aren't Drugs Supposed To Help?

I'm on CD17 and so far there is no O in sight. Awesome! I was doing better when I was off the meds. Ugh. I have been testing religiously for the past 7 days and nothing. My lines aren't even getting darker. They got lighter for a while and now they are just in this holding pattern. It's messing with my mind too because I've been having cramps for pretty much all 7 of those days.  I just want to O already and start the misery of the 2 week wait. Come on body, get your shit together!

Frustration Is....

Realizing you have no idea when your body is going to ovulate and you are down to the last few OPK's in your internet cheapie stash. Son of a .....

So needless to say I was on Amazon.com on my lunch hour buying 50 more and hoping they can get here ASAP. I had the option to do fast shipping, but I'm not paying twice the price of the actual tests just to get them here a few days faster. I will just have to stretch out my current stash as long as possible. I know what you're thinking, it's far too early for me to start the OPK game, but that's not necessarily true. Technically I'm only about 7 days early since I normally start on CD15, but I have a feeling my body is going to do it earlier this month. Since I don't know when exactly, it's time to strt the testing game. The last thing I would want to do is wait too long and miss my ovulation. That would royally tick me off!

Clomid, Day 3

Today marks day 3 of my 5 day Clomid cycle. So far so good on the side effects. I was told to take it at night to try to prevent side effects from affecting me too much. That's a great idea...in theory. Of course as luck would have it the only side effect I have so far just wakes me up from a dead sleep, that would be hot flashes. Holy mother of all that is holy they are brutal! I have a new found respect for all women going through menopause because the hot flashes are murder! Other than the hot flashes though, so far no other side effects. I'm trying to not get my hopes up over it since I have heard of women getting them after they complete the 5 day run. That will be my luck. Check back in a week, I very well may be losing my mind over them.

Other than the Clomid, not much to report. I'm still really early in my cycle so things are too crazy yet, but we're getting there! In a few days I'll start the never ending stressing over trying to read my OPK's and after I do ovulate, then it's the REAL stress....the two week wait! Ugh, my weeks just got longer.

TTCAL Cycle #1

Well, AF showed her face yes yesterday so I am on CD2 of TTCAL Cycle #1! I can't even begin to describe how exciting it is to finally be able to try again. The waiting was driving me absolutely nuts. It's one thing to be caught in the 2 week wait and over analyzing every twinge in your uterus. It's a complete other to be put on a hold that you have no clue when you will be taken off of. That's murder right there.

So what's the game plan? Well, on Tuesday I start my Clomid and we go from there. The doc did say it could potentially move my O date up from CD19, which would be awesome. He's also going to run blood tests and monitor me to make sure my ovaries respond well, but don't go BSC and drop 86 eggs. He also wants to see if my progesterone is good after I O. If not, we adjust. I will admit it is a tad overwhelming to go down the assistance route. There is so much testing and tracking and monitoring that is going on. It's not just a "hey babe, you in the mood?" type of thing. There are doctors involved and I'll be honest, a few more people than I would like are well aware of when sexy time goes down. Not to mention, this is a road that once you get on it, there really is no exit off. You really have to commit to doing whatever you have to, which I am.

To say that things are about to get crazy is an understatement. Only I would choose to start this endeavor right around the holidays, but after waiting and waiting, I'm just ready to go! I am hopeful and excited and just a tiny bit scared. I am trying to stay focused and not get too wrapped up in the "it's going to be THIS cycle," but there is a part of me that would love for #1 to be our winner (who wouldn't). So, fingers crossed everyone that T and I are so blessed with one, or maybe even two, healthy babies soon!

Almost Time!

I am currently 5DPO and nearing the end of our LAST TTA cycle! Ahhh!! I'm thrilled, anxious, nervous and about 400 other emotions. I have my prescription all filled and sitting on my counter ready to go. I'm on pins and needles about taking it just because I'm scared of potential side effects, but I was told I could take it at night to help reduce the effect of the side effects, since I'll be sleeping after all. I will say a couple things about this cycle, my temps were WAY lower than normal, but I figure the fact that it's really cooling down at night is affecting it. My OPK's were also a lot of fun because they were up and down. They'd get darker, then lighter, then darker. Check it out...

I'm not sure WTF is up with CD18. It was very borderline and normally I would consider it a negative, but then I got a mad positive on CD19 in the  morning so I figured I would just count it as positive. It doesn't really matter either way as marking it negative didn't affect my crosshairs or anything. So I'm leaving it as positive.

Based on history, CD1 should be in about 5 days so after almost 8 months and 7 long cycles later, we will FINALLY be trying!! Fingers crossed!

I Was Due....Today

“Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in…”

Today was Spawn’s due date. Today I should have been getting excited and thrilled to meet our little one. Today I should be on maternity leave and frantically cleaning the house to make sure it’s spotless. Today I should be washing the final loads of baby clothes and double/triple checking the hospital bag. Today should be very different.