Tomorrow is officially 2013 and I can say without a doubt, I welcome this New Year. With one exception, our trip, 2012 was just bad news for T and I. Much like 2011 I'm ready to just let this be part of our past and not our present. So, to welcome the new year I'm setting some goals.
1. Lose 50 pounds. I've gained about 10 pounds back (damn depression) so time to start getting back on the weight loss horse. Good for the body as well as the mind and soul.
2. Travel more. We're looking at maybe taking another semi-big trip this year, but other potential plans have that up in the air.
3. More home upgrades. Moving walls, flooring, all that crap. It was going to be done in 2012, but after an epic breakdown post failed Clomid cycles we decided to put our money towards getting away from this mess. This year, focus will be different.
4. Find out if an RE is covered by ins. Open enrollment is in May so we'll find out in April if ins will cover our IF, if so we will switch plans to get to the RE.
5. Meet with an adoption agency.
Yes, you read that right. We've decided to start the talks about adoption. First step will be meeting with an agency to get an idea if our goal is even possible. We want a closed or minimal open adoption. We're open to giving monthly updates and pictures, but we are not open to the idea of the mother being a very active role in our child's life. If we are raising the baby, we want it to be our baby. I know that sounds selfish, but I'm not willing to share my child. Period. The only way we would consider an open adoption is if we knew the mother (ie: friend, family, etc).
If we find out that the RE is not covered, T will be getting a vasectomy to prevent any future heartbreaks and we will pursue adoption full time. For now it would be domestic while we save the money to go with Korea. If our budget is correct, Korea would be in about 3 years. It feels GREAT to have a plan that will ultimately end in our having a child. The RE thing is too unpredictable and we have no idea if my body can even do this.
So 2013...ROCK MY FUCKING WORLD!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Why?
You know, you'd think I'd be smarter than this by now, but apparently not.
I went back to my former birth month board just to see, oh hell I don't know what I wanted to see, I just wanted to see and what do I find? Lots of posts with people talking about their big announcement reveals over the holiday. Some even had youtube videos of reactions. Most normal and sane folks would have just closed the internet and go about their night, but no, not me. I instead watch the damn videos.
I was doing okay until the last video when the mom got really emotional and started crying and then I did. That should have been us. We should have been announcing over Christmas. We should have been filming our families getting excited and laughing and freaking out because we're finally having a baby, but nope. That's not us. Instead our families are walking on eggshells because once again our hearts have been shattered.
I don't get why. Why do all these people get pregnant so easily and then get to keep their babies and enjoy pregnancies while some of us feel like we're never going to get there? I really wish someone could explain why...
I went back to my former birth month board just to see, oh hell I don't know what I wanted to see, I just wanted to see and what do I find? Lots of posts with people talking about their big announcement reveals over the holiday. Some even had youtube videos of reactions. Most normal and sane folks would have just closed the internet and go about their night, but no, not me. I instead watch the damn videos.
I was doing okay until the last video when the mom got really emotional and started crying and then I did. That should have been us. We should have been announcing over Christmas. We should have been filming our families getting excited and laughing and freaking out because we're finally having a baby, but nope. That's not us. Instead our families are walking on eggshells because once again our hearts have been shattered.
I don't get why. Why do all these people get pregnant so easily and then get to keep their babies and enjoy pregnancies while some of us feel like we're never going to get there? I really wish someone could explain why...
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Empty
My uterus is officially empty and all traces of our beautiful babe
whom we wanted so badly are gone. Thankfully I was so drugged up on Friday that
I really didn’t feel anything physically or emotionally. The same cannot be said
for now.
Physically I’m feeling okay. The bleeding has been on and off, but I assume they remove most of the lining when they do the D&C, so that’s somewhat good news...maybe. The cramping has been on and off as well, but only mild cramps. Something I would expect with a typical cycle. Emotionally, oh hell I’m a one woman show.
Saturday I was feeling okay. I had come to terms with what happened and put my focus towards the future. Towards trying again. Then the holiday happened leaving me at that seriously mad stage. Remember the part in Steel Magnolias where M’Lynn flips her shit and yells that she just wants to hit someone hard so they feel as badly as she does? That’s me. Oh boy is that me.
First it’s family pregnancies. I’m so happy for my family, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, but this is hell being the one who watches everyone else get the one thing you feel is so far out of your grasp. I want to be that happy pregnant person who is so blissfully unaware of how bad things can get. I will never have that carefree pregnancy and that makes this even worse.
Then you have Jessica Simpson announcing she’s pregnant again. Now, I know it’s stupid to be jealous of celebrities, but I wanted to scream when I saw that. She just spit a kid out and here she is knocked up again. WTF?! Seriously universe?! My hardworking husband and I can’t have one kid, but that ignorant flake can have two back to back? Seriously, where is the justice in this?
And of course you just have the holidays in general that make it suck. The holidays just make it painfully more obvious to you that not only are you dealing with infertility, but you just lost your second child. It’s like a huge beacon that just hones in on the harsh reality that you are NOT where you thought you would be. We celebrated our 5th Christmas as a married couple sans kids and know that next year will be our 6th sans kids. Hopefully we’ll be well enough along with a pregnancy to believe it’s the last Christmas just us two, but who the hell knows.
I’m trying to focus on the good in my life, but I’m failing miserably at that. I mean, I’m grateful for my husband, our health, our family, our home, our jobs and so much more, but there is this huge void in my heart and my life that just feels like it takes away from everything. I think it’s time for some serious changes. I don’t know what yet, but something has to give.
Physically I’m feeling okay. The bleeding has been on and off, but I assume they remove most of the lining when they do the D&C, so that’s somewhat good news...maybe. The cramping has been on and off as well, but only mild cramps. Something I would expect with a typical cycle. Emotionally, oh hell I’m a one woman show.
Saturday I was feeling okay. I had come to terms with what happened and put my focus towards the future. Towards trying again. Then the holiday happened leaving me at that seriously mad stage. Remember the part in Steel Magnolias where M’Lynn flips her shit and yells that she just wants to hit someone hard so they feel as badly as she does? That’s me. Oh boy is that me.
First it’s family pregnancies. I’m so happy for my family, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, but this is hell being the one who watches everyone else get the one thing you feel is so far out of your grasp. I want to be that happy pregnant person who is so blissfully unaware of how bad things can get. I will never have that carefree pregnancy and that makes this even worse.
Then you have Jessica Simpson announcing she’s pregnant again. Now, I know it’s stupid to be jealous of celebrities, but I wanted to scream when I saw that. She just spit a kid out and here she is knocked up again. WTF?! Seriously universe?! My hardworking husband and I can’t have one kid, but that ignorant flake can have two back to back? Seriously, where is the justice in this?
And of course you just have the holidays in general that make it suck. The holidays just make it painfully more obvious to you that not only are you dealing with infertility, but you just lost your second child. It’s like a huge beacon that just hones in on the harsh reality that you are NOT where you thought you would be. We celebrated our 5th Christmas as a married couple sans kids and know that next year will be our 6th sans kids. Hopefully we’ll be well enough along with a pregnancy to believe it’s the last Christmas just us two, but who the hell knows.
I’m trying to focus on the good in my life, but I’m failing miserably at that. I mean, I’m grateful for my husband, our health, our family, our home, our jobs and so much more, but there is this huge void in my heart and my life that just feels like it takes away from everything. I think it’s time for some serious changes. I don’t know what yet, but something has to give.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tomorrow
My D&C is scheduled for tomorrow. So that means that by this time tomorrow night all traces of the baby that we wanted so badly will be gone and that tears my heart out. All this week I kept saying how I just want this to be over. I just want to move forward and focus on the future. Tonight, my heart is breaking.
I had my pre-op appointment with the OB who will be doing my D&C. I never met her before today since she's not my OB, but since she's the "on call" doc tomorrow she's the one doing it. We went over the game plan for tomorrow. She told me what to expect and all that jazz. She seems competent and attentive. She answered my questions and scheduled my follow up appointment for 2 weeks from now (damn holidays!)
I did make a pre-op purchase this evening. Two stained glass votive holders. They are angels and the guy will be doing them in the birthstones for Spawn and Offspring. I might get some ornaments too, but tonight I just had to buy these. They spoke to me and I want something to display always to remember our babes. Not to mention I love the idea of the candles. I like being able to light them and watch the light flicker from behind the stained glass. Will always remind me that at one point those babes had beating hearts.
Offspring, this is our last night together. Though your little heart stopped beating 2 weeks ago, the idea that tomorrow you will no longer be with me physically is killing me. Please know that we love you with everything that we have. You and Spawn will always be in our hearts and always on our minds. We love you babes, to the moon and back!
I had my pre-op appointment with the OB who will be doing my D&C. I never met her before today since she's not my OB, but since she's the "on call" doc tomorrow she's the one doing it. We went over the game plan for tomorrow. She told me what to expect and all that jazz. She seems competent and attentive. She answered my questions and scheduled my follow up appointment for 2 weeks from now (damn holidays!)
I did make a pre-op purchase this evening. Two stained glass votive holders. They are angels and the guy will be doing them in the birthstones for Spawn and Offspring. I might get some ornaments too, but tonight I just had to buy these. They spoke to me and I want something to display always to remember our babes. Not to mention I love the idea of the candles. I like being able to light them and watch the light flicker from behind the stained glass. Will always remind me that at one point those babes had beating hearts.
Offspring, this is our last night together. Though your little heart stopped beating 2 weeks ago, the idea that tomorrow you will no longer be with me physically is killing me. Please know that we love you with everything that we have. You and Spawn will always be in our hearts and always on our minds. We love you babes, to the moon and back!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Still There...
Had my follow up u/s this morning to find out if my uterus is empty.
It's not.
Thankfully the tech was the same tech as Friday so I don't think she was offended by my response.
Tech: [sigh] Still there.
Me: You've got to be fucking kidding me.
She understood my frustration. Offspring is right there. As in right by my cervix. Still. Apparently my body just doesn't want to let this little one go. Which would be fine if my little one was still with us. But s/he isn't and I'm just ready to move forward with my life at this point.
We're on to plan b now which is a D&C on Friday. I have mixed feelings about it. I really didn't want to go this route, but on the other hand I'm ready for this to be over. My last m/c was a walk in the park physically compared to this. It was like 4 hours of intense pain, but then I was able to start on the emotional healing. This time, it feels like there is no end. My m/c started at 2 am on Friday and as of today my uterus STILL isn't empty. I'm still cramping, but not enough to push this along.
The only silver lining in today was when the tech walked out she left up the picture she took of Offspring. My gut told me to just take a picture of the sonogram for later. That someday I'll look back and be grateful to have that pic of our little one, even if it was after our precious Offspring's heart stopped beating. Not even 12 hours later and I'm already glad I did it. It's hard to see Offspring because of where s/he is located, but s/he is definitely there. S/he is located directly below the broken heart. Fitting because that's exactly how I feel.
It's not.
Thankfully the tech was the same tech as Friday so I don't think she was offended by my response.
Tech: [sigh] Still there.
Me: You've got to be fucking kidding me.
She understood my frustration. Offspring is right there. As in right by my cervix. Still. Apparently my body just doesn't want to let this little one go. Which would be fine if my little one was still with us. But s/he isn't and I'm just ready to move forward with my life at this point.
We're on to plan b now which is a D&C on Friday. I have mixed feelings about it. I really didn't want to go this route, but on the other hand I'm ready for this to be over. My last m/c was a walk in the park physically compared to this. It was like 4 hours of intense pain, but then I was able to start on the emotional healing. This time, it feels like there is no end. My m/c started at 2 am on Friday and as of today my uterus STILL isn't empty. I'm still cramping, but not enough to push this along.
The only silver lining in today was when the tech walked out she left up the picture she took of Offspring. My gut told me to just take a picture of the sonogram for later. That someday I'll look back and be grateful to have that pic of our little one, even if it was after our precious Offspring's heart stopped beating. Not even 12 hours later and I'm already glad I did it. It's hard to see Offspring because of where s/he is located, but s/he is definitely there. S/he is located directly below the broken heart. Fitting because that's exactly how I feel.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Back to Reality? Already?
Tomorrow is Monday which means back to the grind.
No more sitting on my couch reading trashy books and watching the Science channel and eating junk food.
I'll actually have to get back out there and be a part of society again. This sucks.
In the AM I have my appointment where I will hopefully find out that my uterus is empty. I'll be honest, I'll flip my ever loving shit if I find out it's not. I do think there will be a cross between anger, hysteria and disbelief that will come out in the form of incoherent sobs. This was by far one of the worst weekends and to find out that it was fruitless, that will kill me.
The worst part about getting back to the grind means getting back to having to smile when I feel like my heart is breaking. Crying in the car on my way home from family gatherings. Smiling and nodding while friends talk about their kids. Doing my best to hide my feelings because it's uncomfortable for them. I mean, nevermind the fact that I just lost my baby. Please, allow me to just bury that pain so you don't have to feel awkward around me. And I just can't possibly wait for the question that will come countless times "When are you guys going to try again?" Oh, sure lets just jump right back up on that horse. Since it's so easy after all. Oh wait, that's right it's not.
Of course then we have the holidays coming up. Because that's just how my life is. I can't even get to stay a recluse for a couple of weeks. I have to just jump right back into life and all the bullshit that comes with it. Wednesday is T's Christmas party with his guys and I'm dreading the damn thing. They are pretty much all married with kids so I get to listen to all the women share their parenting stories and tips and there will be me. I'm sure I'll get the "when are you guys having kids" since we're almost 30 after all. What do I say? "Yeah, someday" and just smile? Or do I say what I really want to say "Well, we're trying, but my body just can't seem to get pregnant and stay pregnant. It's a real bitch." Oh wait, nope can't say that one. Can't actually tell people what I'm feeling because then I'd be bitter.
This whole thing just sucks because before I got pregnant again I was actually in a pretty decent place. Then we got pregnant and I thought since it was our Wailing Wall prayer baby that this would be the one. Now, I'm even more bitter and cynical and just downright pissed off at the world. 2 steps forward, just to jump 87 back. It's not easier because this is our 2nd loss. It's fucking harder because I can't just say "oh bad luck" and "we have time." We were supposed to be DONE by now. Not still trying to just even get started.
Universe, please just throw me a fucking bone at this point...
No more sitting on my couch reading trashy books and watching the Science channel and eating junk food.
I'll actually have to get back out there and be a part of society again. This sucks.
In the AM I have my appointment where I will hopefully find out that my uterus is empty. I'll be honest, I'll flip my ever loving shit if I find out it's not. I do think there will be a cross between anger, hysteria and disbelief that will come out in the form of incoherent sobs. This was by far one of the worst weekends and to find out that it was fruitless, that will kill me.
The worst part about getting back to the grind means getting back to having to smile when I feel like my heart is breaking. Crying in the car on my way home from family gatherings. Smiling and nodding while friends talk about their kids. Doing my best to hide my feelings because it's uncomfortable for them. I mean, nevermind the fact that I just lost my baby. Please, allow me to just bury that pain so you don't have to feel awkward around me. And I just can't possibly wait for the question that will come countless times "When are you guys going to try again?" Oh, sure lets just jump right back up on that horse. Since it's so easy after all. Oh wait, that's right it's not.
Of course then we have the holidays coming up. Because that's just how my life is. I can't even get to stay a recluse for a couple of weeks. I have to just jump right back into life and all the bullshit that comes with it. Wednesday is T's Christmas party with his guys and I'm dreading the damn thing. They are pretty much all married with kids so I get to listen to all the women share their parenting stories and tips and there will be me. I'm sure I'll get the "when are you guys having kids" since we're almost 30 after all. What do I say? "Yeah, someday" and just smile? Or do I say what I really want to say "Well, we're trying, but my body just can't seem to get pregnant and stay pregnant. It's a real bitch." Oh wait, nope can't say that one. Can't actually tell people what I'm feeling because then I'd be bitter.
This whole thing just sucks because before I got pregnant again I was actually in a pretty decent place. Then we got pregnant and I thought since it was our Wailing Wall prayer baby that this would be the one. Now, I'm even more bitter and cynical and just downright pissed off at the world. 2 steps forward, just to jump 87 back. It's not easier because this is our 2nd loss. It's fucking harder because I can't just say "oh bad luck" and "we have time." We were supposed to be DONE by now. Not still trying to just even get started.
Universe, please just throw me a fucking bone at this point...
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Another Among The Stars...
Our little Offspring has joined his/her big sibling among the stars and we're left empty and devastated.
My cramping and bleeding turned into chaos just after 2 am yesterday. I knew immediately what was happening because it was identical to Spawn. I sat there just sobbing as I told T to get me some pain meds. He offered to take me to the ER, but I declined. I knew what they were going to say so I wanted to spare the hell that is waiting there.
Shortly before 5 am things had calmed down and I did my best to drift off to sleep. At 7 am I had to be up because I already had an appointment to get checked out about my spotting. The entire way to the doctor's office I kept asking myself "why?" Why again? Why couldn't we keep this one. I wasn't crying, more infuriated.
Thankfully the wait wasn't long before I met with the midwife, who wasn't the same as before, and she was very nice. I explained everything that happened to her and she said my uterus was most likely empty. That's when I told her that I didn't have that same "omg, I just lost our baby" feeling this time that I did last time. There was no mistaking last time what had happened. This time, I wasn't so sure.
She did a pelvic exam to see if she could see anything. All she could see was a lot of blood. Figures. Thankfully she caught my desire for closure and took me over to the u/s tech to get checked out. As soon as she put the wand in I saw it and my heart sank. I didn't pass the baby yet. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. How is that possible? There was so much pain! It was a nightmare because I thought the worst was behind us. I expected my uterus to be empty so we could start the emotional healing. I still had more to come?! Offspring wasn't inside the cushy part of my uterus. S/he had already detached and was right there by my cervix. The midwife assured me it should pass fast.
To speed things along she gave me a script for misoprostol. If I never take that medication again it would be too soon. Aside from making me feel like my uterus was turning inside out, my stomach was terribly upset and it seemed to loosen everything up down there. After dealing with the cramping and bleeding and the pain at 9:30 pm I had had enough and I went off to bed.
T was awesome. He helped me carry my stuff up to the bedroom. He helped me get situated in bed. He got my heating pad all hooked up, my barf bucket beside me and he even set his alarm to give me my last round of the meds at 1:30 am. A supportive man he truly is.
This morning I'm feeling okay physically. The cramping is still here, but not as bad. I'm obviously still bleeding and probably will for the next two weeks. The part that gets me is I have no idea if this is over yet. Last time it was obvious because Spawn detached and came right out. It felt like a ping pong ball and was no denying what it was. This time because Offspring had been in such a tight space for so long there is a chance that it could have been a different shape so I don't honestly know. I think my uterus is now empty, but I also thought that yesterday morning.
Monday I have another appointment to follow up about my m/c. Of course like last time this was supposed to be my first appointment, but again it's to talk about our 2nd loss. I will urge for an u/s to make sure my uterus is empty so we can start the emotional healing process. I imagine that will take a while.
Overall I'm holding up okay. I'm obviously devastated, as is T. We're confused and frustrated and there is this huge part of me that feels like "when are you going to just give this up already?" I'm not making any decisions right now and won't for a while, but I won't lie the questioning over whether we should continue this or not is definitely there.
Offspring, mommy and daddy love you so much and we hope you and Spawn take care of each other until we get there. Mommy plans on finally getting her tattoo...well now two. I want a reminder of both my sweet babes who play among the stars. We love you both to the moon and back.
My cramping and bleeding turned into chaos just after 2 am yesterday. I knew immediately what was happening because it was identical to Spawn. I sat there just sobbing as I told T to get me some pain meds. He offered to take me to the ER, but I declined. I knew what they were going to say so I wanted to spare the hell that is waiting there.
Shortly before 5 am things had calmed down and I did my best to drift off to sleep. At 7 am I had to be up because I already had an appointment to get checked out about my spotting. The entire way to the doctor's office I kept asking myself "why?" Why again? Why couldn't we keep this one. I wasn't crying, more infuriated.
Thankfully the wait wasn't long before I met with the midwife, who wasn't the same as before, and she was very nice. I explained everything that happened to her and she said my uterus was most likely empty. That's when I told her that I didn't have that same "omg, I just lost our baby" feeling this time that I did last time. There was no mistaking last time what had happened. This time, I wasn't so sure.
She did a pelvic exam to see if she could see anything. All she could see was a lot of blood. Figures. Thankfully she caught my desire for closure and took me over to the u/s tech to get checked out. As soon as she put the wand in I saw it and my heart sank. I didn't pass the baby yet. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. How is that possible? There was so much pain! It was a nightmare because I thought the worst was behind us. I expected my uterus to be empty so we could start the emotional healing. I still had more to come?! Offspring wasn't inside the cushy part of my uterus. S/he had already detached and was right there by my cervix. The midwife assured me it should pass fast.
To speed things along she gave me a script for misoprostol. If I never take that medication again it would be too soon. Aside from making me feel like my uterus was turning inside out, my stomach was terribly upset and it seemed to loosen everything up down there. After dealing with the cramping and bleeding and the pain at 9:30 pm I had had enough and I went off to bed.
T was awesome. He helped me carry my stuff up to the bedroom. He helped me get situated in bed. He got my heating pad all hooked up, my barf bucket beside me and he even set his alarm to give me my last round of the meds at 1:30 am. A supportive man he truly is.
This morning I'm feeling okay physically. The cramping is still here, but not as bad. I'm obviously still bleeding and probably will for the next two weeks. The part that gets me is I have no idea if this is over yet. Last time it was obvious because Spawn detached and came right out. It felt like a ping pong ball and was no denying what it was. This time because Offspring had been in such a tight space for so long there is a chance that it could have been a different shape so I don't honestly know. I think my uterus is now empty, but I also thought that yesterday morning.
Monday I have another appointment to follow up about my m/c. Of course like last time this was supposed to be my first appointment, but again it's to talk about our 2nd loss. I will urge for an u/s to make sure my uterus is empty so we can start the emotional healing process. I imagine that will take a while.
Overall I'm holding up okay. I'm obviously devastated, as is T. We're confused and frustrated and there is this huge part of me that feels like "when are you going to just give this up already?" I'm not making any decisions right now and won't for a while, but I won't lie the questioning over whether we should continue this or not is definitely there.
Offspring, mommy and daddy love you so much and we hope you and Spawn take care of each other until we get there. Mommy plans on finally getting her tattoo...well now two. I want a reminder of both my sweet babes who play among the stars. We love you both to the moon and back.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I Think The End Is Near...
I'm now bleeding enough to need a pad and passing small clots. The cramps have picked up and I'm sick to my stomach. I think we're passed the chances of this being Crinone induced irritable cervix. It's all too similar to what happened with Spawn.
Edit at 3:50pm
I have an appointment scheduled tomorrow at 8:40 am to check out what's going on. They want me to continue the Crinone, but at this point there's no chance that shit will stay put. I just want to punch someone right now. Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult?!
Edit at 3:50pm
I have an appointment scheduled tomorrow at 8:40 am to check out what's going on. They want me to continue the Crinone, but at this point there's no chance that shit will stay put. I just want to punch someone right now. Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult?!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
7w6d: The Most Pregnant...
Today I am officially the most pregnant I've ever been. While it should be a huge relief, we're still stuck in purgatory hell. The spotting is now off and on and while it thankfully hasn't gotten worse, it still freaks me the hell out. The cramping, that's been consistent. For right now we're carrying on like everything is still going forward and just hanging on until our appointment on Monday.
Offspring, nothing would give mommy and daddy greater joy than seeing you growing healthy and strong in there. Please, please stick around little one.
Offspring, nothing would give mommy and daddy greater joy than seeing you growing healthy and strong in there. Please, please stick around little one.
Monday, December 10, 2012
7w4d: Waiting…
I’ve had consistent cramps since the lapse in my Crinone. I figured it was a fluke since we didn’t have any spotting. Until today…
We’re waiting now to see what happens. We’ve done this before so we know there isn’t anything we can do to stop it if it goes that way so there no point in rushing myself to the emergency room just to have them tell me there isn’t anything they can do. Last time I had 48 hours of spotting before all hell broke loose so we’ll see.
I still have my appointment scheduled for next Monday so we’ll get the final word then unless we have another loss.
We’re waiting now to see what happens. We’ve done this before so we know there isn’t anything we can do to stop it if it goes that way so there no point in rushing myself to the emergency room just to have them tell me there isn’t anything they can do. Last time I had 48 hours of spotting before all hell broke loose so we’ll see.
I still have my appointment scheduled for next Monday so we’ll get the final word then unless we have another loss.
Friday, December 7, 2012
7w1d: Deep breaths, deep breaths...
It doesn't matter though. When I woke up this morning my heart sank and immediately every fiber went to worse case scenario. My boobs didn't hurt. My stomach wasn't churning. My stomach didn't seem as bloated and the cramps were ever present. Shit.
I've held my breath every time I've gone to the bathroom today. Hoping and praying there is no spotting and so far we've been lucky. The cramps are throwing my mojo though. Between the lack of symptoms and the cramping I'm freaking out.
I keep telling myself that I'm psyching myself out. This is an emotional week for us in general considering it's the week we lost Spawn and we still have 10 days until our appointment. I'm telling myself that things have been different this go around. I never got sick last time. I never really had anything last time.
I know that I really have no real reason to be freaking out. The cramping hasn't been painful and since I've had a natural m/c before I know what those cramps feel like. There hasn't been any spotting and symptoms don't really say much anyway, but I just can't shake this stupid feeling that's something isn't right.
I really hope that when we have our appointment we will get reassurance and see a healthy baby in there with a healthy heartbeat and I'll look back on this and roll my eyes at my ridiculous worries. I hope that this time next year I'm reading this while bouncing a healthy baby on my lap telling him/her how nuts mommy got during her pregnancy because she wanted him/her so badly. I hope that Offspring is our rainbow baby.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
7w: Weekly Update
Well, picked up the Crinone today on my way home. I'm now back into my normal schedule which makes me feel better. I was super stressed about the not taking my supplements and it didn't help that when I woke up I had cramps. They ended up happening off and on all day, but no spotting so I hope that means Offspring is still doing good. This week will be very hard though because this happens to be the week in which our pregnancy went way wrong last time. I'm hoping that in 5 days we are still blissfully pregnant and not reliving the same hell. Offspring, we love you so much sweet baby.
How far along are you: 7 weeks
How big is baby: 1/2 inch
Baby is as big as a: Blueberry
Total weight gain/loss: - 0.8 lb
Are you showing: No, thankfully the bloat has calmed down so I almost look normal again.
Maternity clothes: No
Food aversions: Nothing. The sensitive tummy seems to have calmed down and I'm able to eat more.
Cravings: Strawberry ice cream & chips w/ salsa
Sleep: Awesome
How do you feel: Bloated, but not as bad. The boobs still hurt...A LOT
Movements: Not yet
Gender guess: Boy
Best moment this week: Feeling confident enough to start pinning nursery ideas
What I miss: Coffee that's pretty much it.
What I am looking forward to: Our u/s in December
Weekly wisdom: Enjoy each and every day and be thankful for the days you don't feel sick.
How far along are you: 7 weeks
How big is baby: 1/2 inch
Baby is as big as a: Blueberry
Total weight gain/loss: - 0.8 lb
Are you showing: No, thankfully the bloat has calmed down so I almost look normal again.
Maternity clothes: No
Food aversions: Nothing. The sensitive tummy seems to have calmed down and I'm able to eat more.
Cravings: Strawberry ice cream & chips w/ salsa
Sleep: Awesome
How do you feel: Bloated, but not as bad. The boobs still hurt...A LOT
Movements: Not yet
Gender guess: Boy
Best moment this week: Feeling confident enough to start pinning nursery ideas
What I miss: Coffee that's pretty much it.
What I am looking forward to: Our u/s in December
Weekly wisdom: Enjoy each and every day and be thankful for the days you don't feel sick.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
6w6d: Hold On Baby
It’s official, I loathe the midwife portion of Dr.
Awesome’s office. I don’t just dislike it, I flat out loathe it. I loathe even
more that I’m stuck going there on the 17th. Unfortunately due to the holiday
nowhere else can get me in and I’m not waiting even freaking longer so I am
stuck there for now. I foresee a very uncomfortable conversation being held
between T, myself and the midwife. For the record, once I get off my supplement
and into my 2nd tri, I have every intention of leaving this
practice.
Today I called my Walgreens and found out that they still hadn’t called in my script. Yep, I lost it. I called the office and got yet another ditz from the front desk. This is how it went:
D: Dr. Awesome’s office how can I help you?
M: Hi, I’m L and I’m calling to check on the status of my prescription being called in.
D: Okay, DOB?
M: mm/dd/yyyy
D: One moment please…
[horrible hold music for 1 minute]
D: Okay, so you are calling to leave a message because you need a prescription?
M: No, I’m calling to find out why my prescription hasn’t been called in yet despite my calling yesterday and Monday. I spoke with the midwife and she said she was calling it in Monday, but my pharmacy has no records of that.
D: Okay, just one moment
[horrible hold music for 15 minutes]
Finally after being on hold for 15 minutes I hung up. This is ridiculous. I’m sure she looked up my name in the system and saw that I’ve called how many times and went into panic mode. I bet even the office manager was notified that a scathing mad pregnant lady was on the phone.
They finally called me back 30 minutes later to tell me they just called in my prescription and it should be available for pick up this evening. Well, that’s nice princess, but considering NO PHARMACY STOCKS IT I won’t actually have it this evening. The earliest the pharmacy can get it is late tomorrow afternoon. So I will be missing my doses. The pharmacy chick was very nice and looked at every pharmacy in a 50 mile radius in their system, no one carries it. It’s such an odd prescription that they just don’t keep it. Hence my calling the doctor’s office for the past three days leaving message after message and telling the midwife personally that I’m going to be out.
So baby, please please PLEASE hold on. I promise tomorrow night we’ll be back on schedule. To my midwife…look out lady because you’ve just awoken the beast.
Today I called my Walgreens and found out that they still hadn’t called in my script. Yep, I lost it. I called the office and got yet another ditz from the front desk. This is how it went:
D: Dr. Awesome’s office how can I help you?
M: Hi, I’m L and I’m calling to check on the status of my prescription being called in.
D: Okay, DOB?
M: mm/dd/yyyy
D: One moment please…
[horrible hold music for 1 minute]
D: Okay, so you are calling to leave a message because you need a prescription?
M: No, I’m calling to find out why my prescription hasn’t been called in yet despite my calling yesterday and Monday. I spoke with the midwife and she said she was calling it in Monday, but my pharmacy has no records of that.
D: Okay, just one moment
[horrible hold music for 15 minutes]
Finally after being on hold for 15 minutes I hung up. This is ridiculous. I’m sure she looked up my name in the system and saw that I’ve called how many times and went into panic mode. I bet even the office manager was notified that a scathing mad pregnant lady was on the phone.
They finally called me back 30 minutes later to tell me they just called in my prescription and it should be available for pick up this evening. Well, that’s nice princess, but considering NO PHARMACY STOCKS IT I won’t actually have it this evening. The earliest the pharmacy can get it is late tomorrow afternoon. So I will be missing my doses. The pharmacy chick was very nice and looked at every pharmacy in a 50 mile radius in their system, no one carries it. It’s such an odd prescription that they just don’t keep it. Hence my calling the doctor’s office for the past three days leaving message after message and telling the midwife personally that I’m going to be out.
So baby, please please PLEASE hold on. I promise tomorrow night we’ll be back on schedule. To my midwife…look out lady because you’ve just awoken the beast.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
6w5d: So Frustrated
I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown right now
because I’m so frustrated. Why the hell is it so hard for doctor’s offices to,
oh I don’t know, do their freaking job?!
Monday I called my midwife’s office, same lady I saw before who works with Dr. Awesome. I reminded them that my Crinone will be out as of Wednesday and I need my refill, and casually asked about my u/s. Imagine my shock when the chick tells me I don’t get one until 20 weeks. WTF?! I kept my cool though. I calmly told her that I spoke with Lynnette about this and she agreed that I’d need an u/s at my appointment to ensure that everything is progressing as it should so we can make a game plan. She said she’d get with the midwife and someone would call me back.
Lynnette called me back. First, I had to tell her what supplement I was on. Really?! You couldn’t just grab my damn chart and take a look? Then I had to tell her how much and how often and how many refills I would need. Who’s the flucking medical professional here? Then she tells me that no one scheduled my u/s and I might not be able to get in until after the first of the year when I’m already in my 2nd trimester. Not working for me. I explained to her the conversation we had, I went over everything, again, and she said she would speak with the tech and get back to me about when they can get me in.
This morning I still had not heard back. I’m a firm believer in taking control of your own life so once I realized my script still hadn’t been called in I called the office again. Left another message about my Crinone being out TOMORROW and needing it ASAP. I also mentioned, again, I need to know what they figured out about my u/s. That was at 10 am. Never heard back. As of this evening still no script for Crinone called in.
I’m beside myself right now. I’m exactly 1 week out from the point at which I lost Spawn. So obviously I’m a hot mess with fear and then they add this on top of it. Crinone isn’t exactly something the pharmacy keeps on hand so they have to have at least 1 day notice to order it. That means today was my last shot to get the freaking meds before I’m out. As in out out not supplementing the very hormone that failed and cost me my pregnancy last time.
I don’t want to be that patient. I don’t want to be the difficult pain in the ass patient who drives everyone nuts, but on the same token I’m not going to be that naïve patient who puts everything into the medical professionals just to lose it all. It just upsets me that here I thought this woman got it. I can’t see Dr. Awesome so she seemed like a really awesome back up plan. I really thought she understood my fears and my personal situation and would tailor my treatment to that. Apparently being a midwife she looks at everything with goggles on and puts everyone into the same “you’re fine and don’t need anything until much later” category. I’m done.
Monday I called my midwife’s office, same lady I saw before who works with Dr. Awesome. I reminded them that my Crinone will be out as of Wednesday and I need my refill, and casually asked about my u/s. Imagine my shock when the chick tells me I don’t get one until 20 weeks. WTF?! I kept my cool though. I calmly told her that I spoke with Lynnette about this and she agreed that I’d need an u/s at my appointment to ensure that everything is progressing as it should so we can make a game plan. She said she’d get with the midwife and someone would call me back.
Lynnette called me back. First, I had to tell her what supplement I was on. Really?! You couldn’t just grab my damn chart and take a look? Then I had to tell her how much and how often and how many refills I would need. Who’s the flucking medical professional here? Then she tells me that no one scheduled my u/s and I might not be able to get in until after the first of the year when I’m already in my 2nd trimester. Not working for me. I explained to her the conversation we had, I went over everything, again, and she said she would speak with the tech and get back to me about when they can get me in.
This morning I still had not heard back. I’m a firm believer in taking control of your own life so once I realized my script still hadn’t been called in I called the office again. Left another message about my Crinone being out TOMORROW and needing it ASAP. I also mentioned, again, I need to know what they figured out about my u/s. That was at 10 am. Never heard back. As of this evening still no script for Crinone called in.
I’m beside myself right now. I’m exactly 1 week out from the point at which I lost Spawn. So obviously I’m a hot mess with fear and then they add this on top of it. Crinone isn’t exactly something the pharmacy keeps on hand so they have to have at least 1 day notice to order it. That means today was my last shot to get the freaking meds before I’m out. As in out out not supplementing the very hormone that failed and cost me my pregnancy last time.
I don’t want to be that patient. I don’t want to be the difficult pain in the ass patient who drives everyone nuts, but on the same token I’m not going to be that naïve patient who puts everything into the medical professionals just to lose it all. It just upsets me that here I thought this woman got it. I can’t see Dr. Awesome so she seemed like a really awesome back up plan. I really thought she understood my fears and my personal situation and would tailor my treatment to that. Apparently being a midwife she looks at everything with goggles on and puts everyone into the same “you’re fine and don’t need anything until much later” category. I’m done.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
6w: Weekly Update
I have decided to tweak the weekly updates. I realized that all I’m simply doing
is input and regurgitation and not really documenting our progress. I went back
to compare some of my symptoms to the symptoms I had with Spawn around this time
and quickly realized I didn’t document any and on top of that, I don’t remember.
I guess somewhere in the back of my head I thought I’d never forget, but I did.
So I’ve decided to make these a little more personal. Feel free to read or
skip. Once we've had our u/s in December I also intend on adding weekly bump pictures so we can watch Offspring and I grow!
How far along are you: 6 weeks
How big is baby: 1/3 inch
Baby is as big as a: Sweet Pea
Total weight gain/loss: 0
Are you showing: No, I’m at that awkward look like I’m just indulging too much this holiday season bloated stage.
Maternity clothes: No
Food aversions: Nothing specific yet, but I do have a very sensitive tummy.
Cravings: Sugary sweets (not chocolate)
Sleep: Good
How do you feel: Bloated, exhausted and my boobs hurt constantly. Also the occasional nausea is kicking in.
Movements: Too early
Gender guess: Boy
Best moment this week: Getting slight confidence to look at baby things
What I miss: Coffee (I’d kill for a double shot peppermint mocha)
What I am looking forward to: Our u/s in December
Weekly wisdom: Keep saltines and 7-up in your house at all times, you never know when the urge to puke will come.
How big is baby: 1/3 inch
Baby is as big as a: Sweet Pea
Total weight gain/loss: 0
Are you showing: No, I’m at that awkward look like I’m just indulging too much this holiday season bloated stage.
Maternity clothes: No
Food aversions: Nothing specific yet, but I do have a very sensitive tummy.
Cravings: Sugary sweets (not chocolate)
Sleep: Good
How do you feel: Bloated, exhausted and my boobs hurt constantly. Also the occasional nausea is kicking in.
Movements: Too early
Gender guess: Boy
Best moment this week: Getting slight confidence to look at baby things
What I miss: Coffee (I’d kill for a double shot peppermint mocha)
What I am looking forward to: Our u/s in December
Weekly wisdom: Keep saltines and 7-up in your house at all times, you never know when the urge to puke will come.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
5w3d: Stomach Flu While Pregnant Sucks
I love my nephew, I super do. However, spending time with him over Turkey day has left me feeling like complete crap. He had a touch of the stomach flu and we all pretty much assumed it was just travelers issues, but turns out it wasn't. I spent all Friday night up and tossing my cookies and yesterday was pretty much spent going back and forth between my bed and the bathroom. In the last 36 hours the only thing I've eaten is like 4 sugar free popsicles and a dozen saltines and a diet 7-up. I weighed myself and found out I've lost 4 pounds. Yeah, it's been bad.
The good news is that despite feeling like total crap, I've still managed to take my Crinone as prescribed and managed to keep it secure. No spotting and no Offspring issues, so hopefully this go with the tummy flu has left him/her unscathed. Now to survive until our first appt in 22 days. Not that I'm counting down or anything...
The good news is that despite feeling like total crap, I've still managed to take my Crinone as prescribed and managed to keep it secure. No spotting and no Offspring issues, so hopefully this go with the tummy flu has left him/her unscathed. Now to survive until our first appt in 22 days. Not that I'm counting down or anything...
Thursday, November 22, 2012
5w: Weekly Update
How your baby's growing:
Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.
His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.
The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.
How your life's changing:
The outside world won't see any sign of the dramatic developments taking place inside you — except that you're turning down that glass of wine with dinner, perhaps. It's important to avoid alcohol throughout your pregnancy since no one knows exactly how much — or how little — alcohol can harm a developing baby.
You'll also want to continue or start an exercise routine. Exercise helps you develop the strength and endurance you'll need to manage the extra weight you'll be carrying. It may help prevent some of the aches and pains of pregnancy, and many women find that it's a great stress-reducer. Exercise can also help you get ready for the physical rigors of labor.
Finally, it's easier to bounce back after you give birth if you've continued some form of exercise throughout pregnancy. Choose a safe, moderately vigorous activity you enjoy. Walking and swimming are fine choices for pregnant women
Sunday, November 18, 2012
4w3d: Expecting vs. Expecting after a loss
I belong to an online community for women. While a lot of folks joke and criticize people who do that, a lot of these ladies have saved my sanity. When we lost Spawn and entered the hell that was TTCAL I found great comfort in having a place to go to vent my feelings to people who "got it." There was no judgement or criticisms, just other ladies who understood and in turn shared their stories and fears with me. I've met some ladies who've since turned into real life friends. We Facebook, we text and in some cases we even meet for lunch. It doesn't matter that we met online, they are friendships that stem from something much deeper than anything I could describe.
Now that we're so blessed to be expecting I no longer post on the one board I've been active on since Spawn. It's bittersweet actually. I'm happy to be pregnant again, but I miss a lot of these ladies so much. Some of them I still talk to on Facebook and text, but I don't post on that board out of respect for the ladies who are still on their TTCAL journey. I know that some day's it was hard for me to see someone who had their new pregnancy info in their signature. I've now moved over to the pregnant board and I'm glad to be amongst a lot of awesome women there. I've also joined a regular birth month board...this board I'm not as comfortable on.
It's apparent to me with some 90% of the daily posts that being pregnant versus being pregnant after a loss are two very different journeys. I envy these ladies honestly. If only my biggest worry was stretch marks, gasp, or looking forward to my boobs getting bigger. It's hard for me to not roll my eyes at the countless "I'm exhausted" and other "woe is me" posts. I get it, pregnancy isn't easy, but I'm of the mindset that I'm so very grateful to be pregnant that I don't care what type of effect it's having on me. Am I tired? Yes. Do my boobs hurt? Yep. Do I have cramps. All the time. Am I constantly complaining about them? No. It's all just a sign that there is a miracle growing within me.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these ladies don't have the right to vent. They do. Just as I have the right to roll my eyes and feel they are oh so vain (dude, who cares if you get stretch marks? Isn't a healthy baby worth it?) and whiny (lay down, we all know you're tired), and sometimes oblivious (OMG! How are you announcing squee! :insert eye roll here:). I wish my focus was on picking out a cute way to announce or planning out my gender reveal party already. It's not though. My focus is on doing everything in my damn power to keep this pregnancy. To try to jump over the hurdles and keep a positive attitude while trying not to lose my sanity.
I know I'm just jealous. I'm jealous that I can't have that happy, giddy, oblivious pregnancy. I hope I get there someday, just today, I'm all too aware at just how bad things can really get. Offspring, please PLEASE stick in there baby. We love you so much.
Now that we're so blessed to be expecting I no longer post on the one board I've been active on since Spawn. It's bittersweet actually. I'm happy to be pregnant again, but I miss a lot of these ladies so much. Some of them I still talk to on Facebook and text, but I don't post on that board out of respect for the ladies who are still on their TTCAL journey. I know that some day's it was hard for me to see someone who had their new pregnancy info in their signature. I've now moved over to the pregnant board and I'm glad to be amongst a lot of awesome women there. I've also joined a regular birth month board...this board I'm not as comfortable on.
It's apparent to me with some 90% of the daily posts that being pregnant versus being pregnant after a loss are two very different journeys. I envy these ladies honestly. If only my biggest worry was stretch marks, gasp, or looking forward to my boobs getting bigger. It's hard for me to not roll my eyes at the countless "I'm exhausted" and other "woe is me" posts. I get it, pregnancy isn't easy, but I'm of the mindset that I'm so very grateful to be pregnant that I don't care what type of effect it's having on me. Am I tired? Yes. Do my boobs hurt? Yep. Do I have cramps. All the time. Am I constantly complaining about them? No. It's all just a sign that there is a miracle growing within me.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these ladies don't have the right to vent. They do. Just as I have the right to roll my eyes and feel they are oh so vain (dude, who cares if you get stretch marks? Isn't a healthy baby worth it?) and whiny (lay down, we all know you're tired), and sometimes oblivious (OMG! How are you announcing squee! :insert eye roll here:). I wish my focus was on picking out a cute way to announce or planning out my gender reveal party already. It's not though. My focus is on doing everything in my damn power to keep this pregnancy. To try to jump over the hurdles and keep a positive attitude while trying not to lose my sanity.
I know I'm just jealous. I'm jealous that I can't have that happy, giddy, oblivious pregnancy. I hope I get there someday, just today, I'm all too aware at just how bad things can really get. Offspring, please PLEASE stick in there baby. We love you so much.
Friday, November 16, 2012
4w1d: A Closet Alcoholic
I’m quite sure my co-workers think I’m a closet
alcoholic. I’m not kidding.
I’m still very early in my pregnancy and it’s the first one after our loss, so of course I’m a barrel of nerves which means every time I feel a twinge or a tweak or something more graphic than that I hightail it to the ladies room with a mysterious bulge in my sweater pocket (no, it’s not a flask it’s my cell phone). Which of course everything shows to be status quo and I tell myself “Dude, you need to chill out.” Well, that’s until 20 minutes later and I feel something else and just repeat the cycle. Adding the supplement to the game has just caused more of this.
I’m not complaining. Believe me, I’m so not complaining. I will run to the ladies room every 20 minutes for the next 9 months if I have to, but I’m sure at some point an intervention is going to be held in our Office Administrator’s office. I imagine it will be something to the effect of “L, a lot of people are very concerned about your behavior.” I mean, it’s not like she can say “Look lady are you a lush or do you have IBS? Which is it?” She’s a nice person so it would be nice. She’d probably hand me some pamphlet full of information about alcoholism and AA and all that. I’m sure when I leave for the day someone goes through my drawers looking for my flask. I should add one just for kicks. Little does anyone know that I never drink. No really, I don’t. I drank on our trip and that was probably one of the first times this year. I’ve never been fond of the drink.
I almost want to change Offspring’s nickname to Lush or Alchie. Something to remind me that people seriously think I have an issue. It probably doesn’t help that a couple of times when I’ve ran to the ladies room, and thought I was alone in there, I’ve let out a “whew, thank goodness, I’m just losing my mind.” Then of course I hear the toilet flush, my hand promptly slaps over my mouth and I sit perfectly still trying not to breathe as if that is going to reverse what I just said. No, I’m okay, just thankful that blood isn’t pooling in my undies, no big deal, carry on.
So why do I think that people think I might have an issue? Almost every time I come back from the ladies room someone is staring at me like “Oh that poor thing, 28 years old and already throwing her life away to the drink. Pity.”
I’m still very early in my pregnancy and it’s the first one after our loss, so of course I’m a barrel of nerves which means every time I feel a twinge or a tweak or something more graphic than that I hightail it to the ladies room with a mysterious bulge in my sweater pocket (no, it’s not a flask it’s my cell phone). Which of course everything shows to be status quo and I tell myself “Dude, you need to chill out.” Well, that’s until 20 minutes later and I feel something else and just repeat the cycle. Adding the supplement to the game has just caused more of this.
I’m not complaining. Believe me, I’m so not complaining. I will run to the ladies room every 20 minutes for the next 9 months if I have to, but I’m sure at some point an intervention is going to be held in our Office Administrator’s office. I imagine it will be something to the effect of “L, a lot of people are very concerned about your behavior.” I mean, it’s not like she can say “Look lady are you a lush or do you have IBS? Which is it?” She’s a nice person so it would be nice. She’d probably hand me some pamphlet full of information about alcoholism and AA and all that. I’m sure when I leave for the day someone goes through my drawers looking for my flask. I should add one just for kicks. Little does anyone know that I never drink. No really, I don’t. I drank on our trip and that was probably one of the first times this year. I’ve never been fond of the drink.
I almost want to change Offspring’s nickname to Lush or Alchie. Something to remind me that people seriously think I have an issue. It probably doesn’t help that a couple of times when I’ve ran to the ladies room, and thought I was alone in there, I’ve let out a “whew, thank goodness, I’m just losing my mind.” Then of course I hear the toilet flush, my hand promptly slaps over my mouth and I sit perfectly still trying not to breathe as if that is going to reverse what I just said. No, I’m okay, just thankful that blood isn’t pooling in my undies, no big deal, carry on.
So why do I think that people think I might have an issue? Almost every time I come back from the ladies room someone is staring at me like “Oh that poor thing, 28 years old and already throwing her life away to the drink. Pity.”
Thursday, November 15, 2012
4w: Offspring
It's Thursday which happens to be the day of the week where I advance in weeks in this pregnancy. This is the point in which a lot of women find out they are expecting. Here I am feeling like I'm a lifetime in already. It's the waiting. It does that.
Speaking of waiting, I got my results back from Beta #2. HCG is at 57 and P4 is up to 16. My doubling time on the HCG was 35.9 hours so I'm VERY happy with that. I'm even pleased with my P4 considering I only took 2 doses of the Crinone before they took the draw. I spoke with the midwife (she called to see how I was feeling and to give me the results) and she said they were happy with the progress. I even scheduled my appointment, but couldn't get in until 8w4d. I'm not excited about the wait, but I really want T to be there. I need him there this time.
With the good news on the betas comes to arrival of the nickname, Offspring. I feel better now that we're not referring to Offspring as "it". I hate that! S/he is not an "it", s/he is my baby and deserves to be considered as such. Now that we are feeling just a tad more confident as well, I'm starting the weekly updates as well. Eventually I might add the weekly bump pictures, but we'll see.
For today, I'm happy and I'm pregnant!
Speaking of waiting, I got my results back from Beta #2. HCG is at 57 and P4 is up to 16. My doubling time on the HCG was 35.9 hours so I'm VERY happy with that. I'm even pleased with my P4 considering I only took 2 doses of the Crinone before they took the draw. I spoke with the midwife (she called to see how I was feeling and to give me the results) and she said they were happy with the progress. I even scheduled my appointment, but couldn't get in until 8w4d. I'm not excited about the wait, but I really want T to be there. I need him there this time.
With the good news on the betas comes to arrival of the nickname, Offspring. I feel better now that we're not referring to Offspring as "it". I hate that! S/he is not an "it", s/he is my baby and deserves to be considered as such. Now that we are feeling just a tad more confident as well, I'm starting the weekly updates as well. Eventually I might add the weekly bump pictures, but we'll see.
For today, I'm happy and I'm pregnant!
4w: Weekly Update
How your baby's growing:
This week marks the beginning of the embryonic period. From now until 10 weeks, all of your baby's organs will begin to develop and some will even begin to function. As a result, this is the time when she'll be most vulnerable to anything that might interfere with her development.Right now your baby is an embryo the size of a poppy seed, consisting of two layers: the epiblast and the hypoblast, from which all of her organs and body parts will develop.
The primitive placenta is also made up of two layers at this point. Its cells are tunneling into the lining of your uterus, creating spaces for your blood to flow so that the developed placenta will be able to provide nutrients and oxygen to your growing baby when it starts to function at the end of this week.
Also present now are the amniotic sac, which will house your baby; the amniotic fluid, which will cushion her as she grows; and the yolk sac, which produces your baby's red blood cells and helps deliver nutrients to her until the placenta has developed and is ready to take over this duty.
How your life's changing:
Sometime this week, you may be able to find out whether you're pregnant. For the most accurate results, wait until the end of the week to take a home pregnancy test. (You can try one now if you like, but you're more likely to get a correct result a week past your expected period.)If the test is positive, call your practitioner's office and schedule your first prenatal appointment. Most practitioners won't see you until you're about eight weeks along, unless you have a medical condition, had problems with a previous pregnancy, or are having symptoms that need to be checked out.
You should already be taking a multivitamin that contains at least 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid. Once you're pregnant, you'll need a bit more — 600 mcg a day — so switch to a prenatal vitamin if you haven't already.
The next six weeks are critical to your baby's development. The rudimentary versions of the placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already functioning. Through the placenta, your baby is exposed to what you take into your body, so make sure it's good for both of you.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
3w6d: Results & Meds
Got my first betas back yesterday morning. My HCG was 23, my P4 was 9. The HCG wasn't too bad, pretty much in line for women my age at 11DPO. The P4 on the other hand, that left something to be desired. Dr. Awesome decided to supplement my P4 which I pretty much expected.
Even though I knew there was a big chance my P4 was going to be low, actually hearing that it was stung a little. I'm thankful that Dr. Awesome is continuing to be awesome and proactive with it. He ordered a script called Crinone 8% Gel that I use 2 times a day. I'll spare the details of how the medication is administered, but I will say it isn't an oral medication. The price sucks on it too. It comes out to $40 per week. I mean, it's worth it. If it will keep baby safe then it's worth it. The sticker price just made me hate the insurance world that much more.
I had my 2nd beta draw this morning and hopefully tomorrow we will get our results. I'm aiming for my HCG doubling and my P4 being up, even if just slightly. I need to know that things are headed the right direction.
Monday, November 12, 2012
3w4d: We’re Pregnant…Well Today Anyway
 |
| 9DPO on Top; 10DPO on Bottom |
So how am I possibly aware of a pregnancy at 3w4d? That’s easy, I started testing at 9DPO. I felt a little off, well mostly it was the non-stop back pain that kind of clued me in, so on Friday (8DPO) I told T I wanted to get some FRER. They are usually the most sensitive tests. He agreed and off we went. I managed to hold off and not give into temptation Friday night. The same cannot be said for Saturday morning.
As soon as I woke up I headed to the bathroom to test. I tested with the FRER and my last internet cheapie test. I fully expected a BFN so I went about my normal routine and about 1 minute later I saw a faint line on my internet cheapie test. It was very faint and almost to the point that I was wondering “Am I imagining this?” The FRER was a little more obvious, but still very light. I always imagined I would start laughing and crying and be overjoyed. I just stood there staring at it.
As soon as T got home I shoved the stick in his face and asked him to take a look. He saw the 2 lines too. Again, we both were sort of in this shocked period. The tears finally started for me about 20 minutes later when I was driving over to my parents’ house. They were happy tears and terrified tears. It hit me that we were successful again and it hit me how awful it would be to lose another one.
I tested again yesterday (10DPO) and today (11DPO) and both were positive again, but still faint. I am trying to remind myself that I’m testing far before the norm. Most women don’t even think about testing until 14DPO or later. I was a lot earlier than that. Not to mention in the interwebs world we use the phrase “A line is a line”. A HPT only tells you that it’s measuring HCG in your urine, not how much. Although for someone who has gone through a loss and a bit of fun times to get to this point again, I really wanted to see it get darker.
Of course I called Dr. Awesome’s office first thing this morning, but of course he wasn’t available and they wouldn’t order my betas until I spoke to someone so off to a nurse midwife I went. I wasn’t overly thrilled to be seeing one. I have a nice relationship with Dr. Awesome. He knows me. He knows my situation. We’ve been through a lot together and I really needed that strong support right now. After a ridiculously long wait I was finally called back.
Like most women I was asked to give a urine sample so they could do their own pregnancy test. I am about 3 minutes pregnant so I told the woman depending on my HCG it might show negative, but that I was getting positives (and had the pictures to prove it.) She took a couple notes and then looked at it and said “It’s faint, but it’s definitely there.” For some reason that felt good to hear especially from someone else who wasn’t very involved in this process. I gave her my whole long speech to which she documented and said the nurse midwife would be with me in a few minutes.
I dreaded meeting this woman to be frank. The other half of Dr. Awesome’s office is the nurse midwife practice that seriously encourages un-medicated births at a birthing center. They are pro breastfeeding and anti serious medical intervention. Don’t get me wrong, if the baby is in distress they’ll help right quick, but they are definitely big supporters of the more natural and holistic methods. I expected this woman to pat my knee like I’m some naïve mother-to-be and tell me I’m fine and to come back when I’m 9 weeks along. I was prepared to fight for this little one.
My meeting was nothing like that. She read the notes and asked for a brief summary to which I gave. There was no look of judgment or condemnation. All there was, was a look of compassion and understanding. At some points she even looked a little sorry for me. Like when she read about our failed Clomid cycles and I explained we couldn’t afford to pay for the RE right now. She shook her head and made a few snide comments about how ridiculous insurance companies are. She 100% agreed with getting my HCG & Progesterone checked. She did her due diligence and reminded me that I’m still super early in my pregnancy and that my numbers could be low, but that they will recheck in 48 hours to make sure they are doubling. That’s what matters, that they are going up.
I liked her. I really did. Since Dr. Awesome doesn’t deliver babies anymore, if I’m considering a more natural pregnancy and birth plan I might actually consider her. She got it. She didn’t push the holistic thing down my throat. She understood my feelings and better yet, she agreed with them. It felt good to have her agree with them. It’s always nice when someone in the medical field makes you feel like you’re not crazy.
She mentioned that she’d like to see me once we confirm this pregnancy is headed the right direction in about 4 weeks. Again, she could see that I’m clearly a wreck with worry about this and she even mentioned doing a vaginal u/s just to make sure I’m progressing correctly. I wanted to hug her for being so understanding. I know they get tons of first time moms-to-be who are flipping the freak out, but I could tell she knew that wasn’t what I was doing. I’m merely hoping and trying my damn hardest to hold onto this.
Tomorrow I should get my results back and though I shouldn’t, I sort of have this magical number in my head for my HCG, 18. That’s the average for women who are my age at 11DPO. I know I might be above that or below that, but I’m hoping that I at least hit 18. It would make me feel even the slightest better. I’m also hoping for good progesterone results, but am prepared to supplement if necessary. Dr. Awesome is in the office tomorrow so he can call in a prescription if needed.
We haven’t come up with a nickname for this little one yet. I feel bad about it because with Spawn we came up with it that day. We acted happy and excited from that day. This time around we’re a little jaded. In sounds crazy, but in my head if I don’t give this baby a nickname, I won’t be overly devastated if this goes south. I even mentioned to T that if things are going to go south, I would rather them do it sooner rather than later. I feel bad because this child absolutely deserves the exciting fanfare and I really hope that we’re able to do that soon. Just right now, I’m not sure it’s possible. I feel like it took forever to get back to this point, it would kill me to lose it again.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
2ww: Well That’s New…
I’m tickled pink to be 7DPO and have none of my
pre-AF spotting. My LP’s are notoriously ridiculously short especially as of
late (6 day LP anyone) so every day past that is a little celebration for me.
Now, I’m not squealing with excitement thinking I’m with child. That ship set
sail and my old pessimism is back. It’s comforting too. Just felt a tad too
vulnerable in that giddy phase.
Anyway, I think my newest random and just downright weird symptoms are due to the progesterone cream. I’m wondering if these are potentially what my normal symptoms would be if my hormones were ever where they should be? I guess only time will tell. So the latest development is:
Burning sensation in the uterus & lightening boobs.
Sounds fun right? The burning sensation isn’t painful. It’s not a crippling feeling like my ute is on fire. It’s more like I have a constant heating pad inside there. It’s just odd and I notice I feel it a lot more when I’m sitting. The lightening boob though, that is slightly painful. I get these random pains that feel like electricity just jolting through the twins. I’ve noticed it more in my left boob too. I think it’s because it’s bigger?
Either way these two new developments have added a little spice to my 2ww here. Regardless of the outcome of this cycle I’m just pleased if my body is at least moving in the right direction. I’m not expecting the cream alone on our first cycle to be the thing that drives us home. For crying out loud Clomid couldn’t even do it. I’m just rooting for some change. Now would I love for these two developments to be because there is an embryo burrowing into the walls of my uterus and just wreaking some havoc? Of course. Am I holding my breath? Not a chance.
Anyway, I think my newest random and just downright weird symptoms are due to the progesterone cream. I’m wondering if these are potentially what my normal symptoms would be if my hormones were ever where they should be? I guess only time will tell. So the latest development is:
Burning sensation in the uterus & lightening boobs.
Sounds fun right? The burning sensation isn’t painful. It’s not a crippling feeling like my ute is on fire. It’s more like I have a constant heating pad inside there. It’s just odd and I notice I feel it a lot more when I’m sitting. The lightening boob though, that is slightly painful. I get these random pains that feel like electricity just jolting through the twins. I’ve noticed it more in my left boob too. I think it’s because it’s bigger?
Either way these two new developments have added a little spice to my 2ww here. Regardless of the outcome of this cycle I’m just pleased if my body is at least moving in the right direction. I’m not expecting the cream alone on our first cycle to be the thing that drives us home. For crying out loud Clomid couldn’t even do it. I’m just rooting for some change. Now would I love for these two developments to be because there is an embryo burrowing into the walls of my uterus and just wreaking some havoc? Of course. Am I holding my breath? Not a chance.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
2ww: Hey There Crazycakes
I almost don’t want to even post this. I feel
like I must hang my head in shame, but in the effort of full disclosure, I want
to show that even an educated person can get caught up in the hoopla.
This is not news, but usually the first cycle back into really trying I get crazy. I think somewhere in the back of my ridiculous mind I tell myself that we have a fresh attitude, I’m not as stressed, so maybe this cycle will be different. Then adding in the progesterone cream doesn’t help. Even though I know the odds of it impacting anything, let alone on the first cycle of use, are low in my Pollyanna mind it’s going to be the thing that takes us home.
Not only have I gone back to reference my post detailing the days leading up to my BFP with Spawn, I’ve gone so far as to look at + HPT’s on FF to try to figure out about when I should start testing. I know that I should wait until at least 12DPO. I know this. But in the back of my positive thinking mind I’m saying “well, you could get a BFP at 10DPO.”
I’ve even looked at baby stuff this month. Optimistic much? I’ve started comparing strollers and looking at car seats and deciding where I want to register. In some ways I’m like a chick that’s just started trying and is in the blissful naïve world of thinking this is it.
In the back of my head I’m screaming to myself “this is why you always break down on CD1. You build it up too much.” The other part though is just clinging to that positive thinking. I think in some ways I’m subconsciously trying to cling to that positive attitude because I’ve spent a long time now in the negative. While I know it’s going to make CD1 that much harder and depressing, I want to in a lot of ways allow myself the chance to actually be excited again. To give myself that brief glimpse back to a time when we were la-di-da about this.
The only good part about this is when CD1 shows (which the sane part of me is 99.9% sure is going to be soon) I’ll probably quickly return to my safety net of negativity and pessimism because quite honestly, putting that negativity wall up and not allowing that excited feeling back in is about the only thing that helps me through failed cycle after failed cycle.
For now, I think I’m going to let myself be crazycakes…
This is not news, but usually the first cycle back into really trying I get crazy. I think somewhere in the back of my ridiculous mind I tell myself that we have a fresh attitude, I’m not as stressed, so maybe this cycle will be different. Then adding in the progesterone cream doesn’t help. Even though I know the odds of it impacting anything, let alone on the first cycle of use, are low in my Pollyanna mind it’s going to be the thing that takes us home.
Not only have I gone back to reference my post detailing the days leading up to my BFP with Spawn, I’ve gone so far as to look at + HPT’s on FF to try to figure out about when I should start testing. I know that I should wait until at least 12DPO. I know this. But in the back of my positive thinking mind I’m saying “well, you could get a BFP at 10DPO.”
I’ve even looked at baby stuff this month. Optimistic much? I’ve started comparing strollers and looking at car seats and deciding where I want to register. In some ways I’m like a chick that’s just started trying and is in the blissful naïve world of thinking this is it.
In the back of my head I’m screaming to myself “this is why you always break down on CD1. You build it up too much.” The other part though is just clinging to that positive thinking. I think in some ways I’m subconsciously trying to cling to that positive attitude because I’ve spent a long time now in the negative. While I know it’s going to make CD1 that much harder and depressing, I want to in a lot of ways allow myself the chance to actually be excited again. To give myself that brief glimpse back to a time when we were la-di-da about this.
The only good part about this is when CD1 shows (which the sane part of me is 99.9% sure is going to be soon) I’ll probably quickly return to my safety net of negativity and pessimism because quite honestly, putting that negativity wall up and not allowing that excited feeling back in is about the only thing that helps me through failed cycle after failed cycle.
For now, I think I’m going to let myself be crazycakes…
Friday, November 2, 2012
1ishDPO
I’m 1ishDPO. Based on my OPK’s, cramping and general knowledge of
my body and cycle I’m fairly confident the package was dropped yesterday. I
always love how I get cramping AFTER I O. Thank goodness I’m not one of those
women who use that as a reference. I’m imagining this 2ww is going to suck. For
some reason the first one charting always does. I think it’s that ridiculous
little hopeful cheerleader in the back of your head who is somewhat convincing
you that you had great timing and this is it. Thankfully as cycles progress on
my 2ww patience grows. I will get back to the point where I don’t even test
unless I’m like 12-14DPO. I’d rather see AF than a negative. I’ve had my fill of
those.
Even though there is that little part of me that is like “we had great timing so I think there’s a chance” I’m telling myself it’s not it. We weren’t successful. At this point I’m just hoping for a longer LP. I’m hoping that the progesterone cream helps, even if only by adding a day. I’d rather get to double digits, but hey, I’ll settle for a day.
If we were by some miracle successful this cycle, we would have a due date on or around 07/25/13. Right smack dab in the middle of the miserable Arizona summer, but I’d be cool with that. If the dirty hoe doesn’t arrive a little too early for my taste, my testing date is 11/13/12.
Even though there is that little part of me that is like “we had great timing so I think there’s a chance” I’m telling myself it’s not it. We weren’t successful. At this point I’m just hoping for a longer LP. I’m hoping that the progesterone cream helps, even if only by adding a day. I’d rather get to double digits, but hey, I’ll settle for a day.
If we were by some miracle successful this cycle, we would have a due date on or around 07/25/13. Right smack dab in the middle of the miserable Arizona summer, but I’d be cool with that. If the dirty hoe doesn’t arrive a little too early for my taste, my testing date is 11/13/12.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
OPK Game
The incredibly unfortunate thing about the timing of this realization is that it’s today. November 1st. If our little Spawn had been on time, today s/he would be 1. Really bad day to realize my LP has not only stayed short, but gotten shorter. It’s like a dagger to the heart. I feel like the timing of everything this cycle has just been a harsh reminder of what we don’t have.
I, an agnostic who barely believes, put a prayer into the Wailing Wall in the freaking Holy Land itself asking for a healthy baby. I didn’t put a gender. I didn’t ask for specifics. I just asked for a healthy baby. I was answered with AF. A harsh AF that was unlike any I had before. Then I O right around what should be our son/daughter’s 1st birthday and realize, on our what should be our son/daughter’s 1st birthday that my LP is the shortest it’s ever been.
I’m trying to tell myself that it’ll be okay. That I got back into charting because we’re trying more holistic ways of correcting my hormone imbalance. This is just another bump in the road that we’ll get over. That we only have to wait until May to find out if our insurance will pay for IF treatments. I keep trying to remind myself that I’m putting myself through this emotional torture for a reason.
Problem is while my head believes it, my heart certainly doesn’t. Spawn, we love you to the moon and back. I hope you are having a happy 1st birthday among the stars.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Let's Talk Reproduction Shall We?
It’s been a while since I had a good reproduction themed post, so I think
I’m due for one.
I mentioned that we are back on the baby making horse. Well, we were on the “let’s just see what happens” horse until I got AF. Then this cycle turned into a “let’s go ahead and you know, give it a real go”. Next AF, the gloves are off and we’re back to the science experiment tracking everything like a crazed lunatic. It’ll be like old times again.
I am going back to charting with the next AF. Not really thrilled about it to be honest. I do find charting to be a double edged sword, but let’s face it; if we want to increase our chances charting is necessary. That means back to using my fun app, taking my temp every morning and using OPK’s. It’s been a while since I used one so hopefully I remember how. I think for good measure I should start again this month. That’s a good idea right?
I’m also going to try a vitamin I read about, Vitex. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone overboard and are thinking that some over the counter herbal supplement will be the end all to this process. I just want to give all possible non-invasive methods a try.
Acupuncture. As someone who hates needles, despite my tattoos, this does not exactly make me want to jump for joy. Especially adding the sour twang that insurance covers zero part of it. Yes, I who hates needles will pay 100% OOP to give acupuncture a try. I’m still doing research on places and prices so that’s probably not going to start for another cycle or 2.
Back to losing weight. We’ve found that my weight really has nothing to do with my current situation, but just for good measure I’m going to try to drop these last 40 lbs. It’ll be good for my health in general to lose the extra tonnage, so I figured I could use the baby thing as the excuse to help me find the damn motivation that seems to have taken an indefinite hiatus. Trying to lose weight to have the chance to gain it seems counterproductive, but it’s what kept me focused last time.
Reading. I have a couple baby making books lined up. Seems kind of stupid to have to read a book to have kids, I mean hells bells how many irresponsible one night stands lead to a pregnancy? I will though, try to give myself the edge by figuring out anything that I can possibly do to help increase our odds.
Trying anything and everything. Yes, I’m busting out the old trusty Pre-Seed. I’m bringing out the wedge pillow. Is sex going to be all about the spur of the moment intimacy and reconnecting with my partner? No. It’s going to be planned and precise and most likely monotonous, but that’s what we have to do. We are not blessed to be one of those couples who don’t have to try to have a baby. We are a couple who has to try to align the stars in the exact formation of a unicorn to conceive so aligning the stars we will do.
When I step back and look at all this, I do realize what it must look like to outsiders looking in. I probably come across as a lady who’s lost her mind and to be quite frank, I have. A lot of parents would openly admit they would move heaven on earth for their child; I’m doing the same…just before they get here. Talk about overachieving on the parenting scale. My current goal is by the 2 year heartbreakversary of our losing Spawn I want to be pregnant with Spawn’s little brother/sister.
Uterus & ovaries, you better get your shit together.
I mentioned that we are back on the baby making horse. Well, we were on the “let’s just see what happens” horse until I got AF. Then this cycle turned into a “let’s go ahead and you know, give it a real go”. Next AF, the gloves are off and we’re back to the science experiment tracking everything like a crazed lunatic. It’ll be like old times again.
I am going back to charting with the next AF. Not really thrilled about it to be honest. I do find charting to be a double edged sword, but let’s face it; if we want to increase our chances charting is necessary. That means back to using my fun app, taking my temp every morning and using OPK’s. It’s been a while since I used one so hopefully I remember how. I think for good measure I should start again this month. That’s a good idea right?
I’m also going to try a vitamin I read about, Vitex. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone overboard and are thinking that some over the counter herbal supplement will be the end all to this process. I just want to give all possible non-invasive methods a try.
Acupuncture. As someone who hates needles, despite my tattoos, this does not exactly make me want to jump for joy. Especially adding the sour twang that insurance covers zero part of it. Yes, I who hates needles will pay 100% OOP to give acupuncture a try. I’m still doing research on places and prices so that’s probably not going to start for another cycle or 2.
Back to losing weight. We’ve found that my weight really has nothing to do with my current situation, but just for good measure I’m going to try to drop these last 40 lbs. It’ll be good for my health in general to lose the extra tonnage, so I figured I could use the baby thing as the excuse to help me find the damn motivation that seems to have taken an indefinite hiatus. Trying to lose weight to have the chance to gain it seems counterproductive, but it’s what kept me focused last time.
Reading. I have a couple baby making books lined up. Seems kind of stupid to have to read a book to have kids, I mean hells bells how many irresponsible one night stands lead to a pregnancy? I will though, try to give myself the edge by figuring out anything that I can possibly do to help increase our odds.
Trying anything and everything. Yes, I’m busting out the old trusty Pre-Seed. I’m bringing out the wedge pillow. Is sex going to be all about the spur of the moment intimacy and reconnecting with my partner? No. It’s going to be planned and precise and most likely monotonous, but that’s what we have to do. We are not blessed to be one of those couples who don’t have to try to have a baby. We are a couple who has to try to align the stars in the exact formation of a unicorn to conceive so aligning the stars we will do.
When I step back and look at all this, I do realize what it must look like to outsiders looking in. I probably come across as a lady who’s lost her mind and to be quite frank, I have. A lot of parents would openly admit they would move heaven on earth for their child; I’m doing the same…just before they get here. Talk about overachieving on the parenting scale. My current goal is by the 2 year heartbreakversary of our losing Spawn I want to be pregnant with Spawn’s little brother/sister.
Uterus & ovaries, you better get your shit together.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Home...
The trip is officially over and we are safe and sound back in the states. While we had an amazing time and I'm so grateful to have had the chance to see everything, I'm very glad to be back home.
Unfortunately, we did not get a "Surprise" Europe baby. In fact, I'm quite sure a higher power is slapping me in the face. While at Jerusalem we had the opportunity to go to the Wailing Wall. There you can write a prayer request or a request in general on a piece of paper to put on the wall. I don't think I need to say what it was that I wished for, but alas it was pointless. When I got back to the ship that night, I found out that AF arrived nearly 6 days early. Crazy huh? I ask "God" for a healthy baby and I get my period instead. Coincidence?
Either way we're still on the TTCAL horse. If we are unsuccessful this month with just throwing things up in the air, I'm going back to full on charting with the next AF. I'm sure it will be pointless and we'll end up having to go to the RE, but maybe. You never know.
Unfortunately, we did not get a "Surprise" Europe baby. In fact, I'm quite sure a higher power is slapping me in the face. While at Jerusalem we had the opportunity to go to the Wailing Wall. There you can write a prayer request or a request in general on a piece of paper to put on the wall. I don't think I need to say what it was that I wished for, but alas it was pointless. When I got back to the ship that night, I found out that AF arrived nearly 6 days early. Crazy huh? I ask "God" for a healthy baby and I get my period instead. Coincidence?
Either way we're still on the TTCAL horse. If we are unsuccessful this month with just throwing things up in the air, I'm going back to full on charting with the next AF. I'm sure it will be pointless and we'll end up having to go to the RE, but maybe. You never know.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
U/S Results & A Decision...
Last Wednesday was my u/s. Of course as luck would have it AF arrived the night before. Thankfully it wasn't too bad so I decided to go ahead with the u/s (I called ahead and they said a-okay to do it). The u/s itself wasn't fun. Lets be honest, when is it ever? The tech was very nice and pointing things out to me and you know made sure to really push on that full bladder. The u/s itself only took about 30 minutes and then I was out.
Waiting for the results has been murder. I thought I saw something on my u/s, but I'm not the specialist and not 100% sure what I'm looking at so waiting has sucked. This morning the office finally called me with my results. Mostly unremarkable, but a small uterine fibroid is present. I was told it's nothing to be too worried about and my subsequent research pretty much said the same.
The results did spark a conversation between T and I. We're going to try for a baby. I'm not going back to charting right away, but we're giving it a whirl. Fingers crossed!
Waiting for the results has been murder. I thought I saw something on my u/s, but I'm not the specialist and not 100% sure what I'm looking at so waiting has sucked. This morning the office finally called me with my results. Mostly unremarkable, but a small uterine fibroid is present. I was told it's nothing to be too worried about and my subsequent research pretty much said the same.
The results did spark a conversation between T and I. We're going to try for a baby. I'm not going back to charting right away, but we're giving it a whirl. Fingers crossed!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Do Not Pass Go...
I had my appointment with Dr. Awesome. The appointment itself, not so
awesome. I brought up maybe trying another medication with Dr. Awesome and
though he had a very articulate and responsible response, I didn’t like it. His
answer was no. He admitted he doesn’t have the resources necessary to properly
administer the medication and he is reluctant to do it without knowing what all
our problems are. We know I have an issue with progesterone, that’s a given, he
is just not sure what else are the obstacles. He also said he doesn’t have the
ability to do all the specific more in depth testing that we should have done.
He understands our plight, RE’s are expensive, but he’s not willing to put me at
risk to try to save us a couple bucks. I didn’t like it, but his response just
proved how awesome he really is.
And of course since I have the worst reproductive luck, I’ve also developed another issue (not infertility related, at least I don’t think yet) and now I have to have an u/s done to make sure I don’t have any polyps in my uterus. Dr. Awesome doesn’t think I have any, he said I’m young and healthy, but wants to make sure he rules out as many possibilities as he can. We’re also awaiting my pap results to find out if my cervical dysplasia is back. He said my current issue might be an indicator that it’s back, but it could also be completely unrelated.
I have to admit the timing on all this sucks. We’re in the final stretch before our trip and now instead of being all excited and happy, I’m anxious and depressed. I might not get my pap results back until the 13th and my u/s is scheduled for the 19th. Both those results will greatly impact how we proceed with starting a family. I am just bracing myself for more bad news really. I’m wondering if I should up the drinking budget for this trip…
And of course since I have the worst reproductive luck, I’ve also developed another issue (not infertility related, at least I don’t think yet) and now I have to have an u/s done to make sure I don’t have any polyps in my uterus. Dr. Awesome doesn’t think I have any, he said I’m young and healthy, but wants to make sure he rules out as many possibilities as he can. We’re also awaiting my pap results to find out if my cervical dysplasia is back. He said my current issue might be an indicator that it’s back, but it could also be completely unrelated.
I have to admit the timing on all this sucks. We’re in the final stretch before our trip and now instead of being all excited and happy, I’m anxious and depressed. I might not get my pap results back until the 13th and my u/s is scheduled for the 19th. Both those results will greatly impact how we proceed with starting a family. I am just bracing myself for more bad news really. I’m wondering if I should up the drinking budget for this trip…
Friday, August 17, 2012
Birchbox: August
Schick Hydro Silk Razor
Yu-Be Moisturizing Skin Cream
Juicy Couture Viva la Juicy La Fleur
Whish Shave Crave Shaving Cream
stila Stay All Day Foundation
I LOVE the razor. Seriously! I think it will actually replace the love I have to my Venus razors. The perfume, eh, my mom loved it, but I'm not a fan. I haven't given the foundation a whirl yet, but I'm definitely going to. I could use an easy to apply, good, long lasting foundation so we'll see if it's the winner.
Overall impression of this box is ok. Not great, but not bad either. I'm getting a little disappointed in Birchbox. It seems like every month the boxes are getting a little more "eh" and less "yay." I'm not sure if it's because I haven't bought anything in their shop or if it's because they hook you in the first month or so and then start to slowly cut back. I'm going to give them September before I make any decisions, but I'm considering cancelling my subscription.
Monday, August 13, 2012
What Do We Have To Lose?
Next week I have my yearly scheduled with Dr. Awesome. I made a point to make sure it was with Dr. Awesome because we have an agenda. We're going to ask him about another medication.
When I first met with Dr. Awesome back in October he went over the game plan. 6 months on meds before any further testing. He blindsided us when he ordered testing after 3 failed cycles. He blindsided us again when he referred us to an RE after our results came back fine. I respect his referral, I really do. I appreciate that he wants to see us be successful so he forwarded us to the specialist, but I still feel like I need those 3 months.
I figured the worst that can happen is he says no. I need to at least try though.
When I first met with Dr. Awesome back in October he went over the game plan. 6 months on meds before any further testing. He blindsided us when he ordered testing after 3 failed cycles. He blindsided us again when he referred us to an RE after our results came back fine. I respect his referral, I really do. I appreciate that he wants to see us be successful so he forwarded us to the specialist, but I still feel like I need those 3 months.
I figured the worst that can happen is he says no. I need to at least try though.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Birchbox: July
So my actual received line up is:
stila It's Time To Go Lip Glaze
Glamour Earbuds
Alterna Bamboo UV+ Color Protection Fade-Proof Fluide
LARABAR Uber
Oscar de la Renta live in love
The lip glaze is pretty-ish. It has a bit of a gold hue to it, but I'm sure paired with the right eye make up it could actually be cute. The perfume, ick no way. Unfortunately my hair isn't colored right now so I won't really benefit from the UV+ Color Protection, but I'll keep it around just in case. The earbuds are nice to have since mine go missing on the regular. Overall the box isn't a total dud, but I was really hoping about those damn blotting linens. I guess this serves me right for logging into Birchbox early to see my "Box."
Friday, July 6, 2012
92 Days…
Or 3 Months…
Finally in the double digits! Thought we’d never get to this point, but now that we have time feels like it is racing by. Hard to believe that at this exact time in 92 days we will be on a flight to Rome. I’m finally starting to get excited. About time right?
I actually do have some trip updates.
Excursions
We have officially booked/paid for ALL our excursions/tours for this trip. Yay! Here’s the line up:
Catacombs
Ghost & Mystery Walking Tour
Colosseum
Egypt
Israel (first day)
Israel (second day)
Greece
Naples
Rome
Out of all of these, there is one that really has me thrilled and that would be Egypt! I cannot wait to see the pyramids and the Nile River. I plan on getting dirt/sand from all these places. That’s legal right? It’s not like we’re getting water from the Nile, not that I’d want to stick my hand in there to begin with. I guess Nile crocodiles are pretty bold. They aren’t scared of humans and come pretty close to town. No thank you.
Vaccines
We’ve also started the process of getting our vaccinations. Let me tell you folks, this has been a good time. Allow me to spare you the hell that is finding all this out on your own and just give you the cheat sheet on how to do this.
Step 1: Go to the CDC Traveler’s Health page to view which vaccines are required/recommended for each country you are attending.
Step 2: Decide which vaccines you want to get. We’re playing it safe and getting them all (except Rabies) to prevent any potential illness. Not to mention most of these you should have just in general.
Step 3: Contact your insurance company and see which vaccines they cover. Make sure to specifically ask about travel vaccines. This is where the list of vaccines you will need will come in handy. Insurance companies can be sneaky so ask about your specific ones.
Step 4: Ask your insurance company if they cover Take Care Walgreens Clinic or CVS’ Minute Clinic. If yes, after step 5 proceed to step 6. If not, after step 5 proceed to step 7. Also, be sure to find out if you are covered by your insurance should you have an emergency out of country! Some companies do NOT cover such things so you will need to get a second temporary policy.
Step 5: Print out your vaccination card. This is VERY handy to have. If you take the card to the clinic with you, they will fill in all the information. Also be sure to ask for a copy of all the vaccine information (lot number, etc.) this way should you react poorly, you can take that info with you to the emergency room.
Step 6: Make an appointment with Take Care or Minute Clinic to get your general (they do NOT do any traveler vaccines like Yellow Fever, Typhoid, etc.) vaccines. Since our insurance covers vaccines and these clinics, we paid $0.00! Not even a visit co-pay!
Step 7: Make an appointment with a travel medicine specialist for your travel vaccines (and general vaccines if needed). You can find a good resource here to locate your nearest one. I’m not going to lie, travel medicine specialists are EXPENSIVE! We’re getting Typhoid Fever shots, just 1 each and paying nearly $200. That’s the cheapest we found! You can also contact your county health department. They usually offer these shots as well for just over what travel medicine specialists are charging. Jerks.
So far I’ve gotten my Tetanus, Hepatitis A (shot 1 of 2) & Hepatitis B (shot 1 of 3). In 30 days I will go back for my 2nd Hepatitis B shot and my flu shot. T only needed his Hepatitis A series as he’s had Tetanus & Hepatitis B for work. When he goes back for shot 2 he’ll also get his flu shot. Next month we both will go to get our Typhoid Fever. We’ll then officially be all vaccinated and ready to go.
We opted out of Rabies for a few reasons, but the main one being we’re not doing anything with animals. Sure, a bat could bite me while we’re out and about, but our exposure to mammals is seriously minimal. Only exposure we’ll have is the camels. It doesn’t help that the Rabies shot is a 3 part series at $250 per shot! Hell to the no!
Travel Safety & Documents
I’m also starting work on our travel book that we will take with us. It will include all our important data like printed reservation receipts, vouchers, copies of our health stuff, embassy information. Please, I cannot stress this enough, definitely get ALL your embassy information ahead of time, including lost passport numbers. The last thing you want is to be stranded in a foreign county with a major language barrier trying to figure this all out. Also make sure you register your travel with the government. Takes a few minutes, but then they have a list of all US Citizens in a country so should a disaster (either manmade or natural) occur, they know who they need to get.
We’re also making copies of all this jazz for our families back here. That way should we go missing, our parents have all the information to give to the officials here. This includes color copies of our passports, copies of all the embassy information, copies of all the hotels we’ll be staying at, copies of our cruise information and our living wills. You can never be too safe friends. Better to have and not need, than to need and not have.
Finalize decision about
trip
Put deposit on cruise
Put in for vacation
Put in for vacation (T)
Pay remaining balance of cruise
Book airfare
Sign up for shore
excursions Rome (before cruise) Rome (after cruise) Egypt
Israel Greece Naples
Book hotel for days before cruise &
after
Make sure vaccines up to date
L:Hep A, Hep B, Tetanus, Flu,
Typhoid Fever
T:Hep A, Flu, Typhoid Fever
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Get new luggage
Learn to use digital camera
Finally in the double digits! Thought we’d never get to this point, but now that we have time feels like it is racing by. Hard to believe that at this exact time in 92 days we will be on a flight to Rome. I’m finally starting to get excited. About time right?
I actually do have some trip updates.
Excursions
We have officially booked/paid for ALL our excursions/tours for this trip. Yay! Here’s the line up:
Catacombs
Ghost & Mystery Walking Tour
Colosseum
Egypt
Israel (first day)
Israel (second day)
Greece
Naples
Rome
Out of all of these, there is one that really has me thrilled and that would be Egypt! I cannot wait to see the pyramids and the Nile River. I plan on getting dirt/sand from all these places. That’s legal right? It’s not like we’re getting water from the Nile, not that I’d want to stick my hand in there to begin with. I guess Nile crocodiles are pretty bold. They aren’t scared of humans and come pretty close to town. No thank you.
Vaccines
We’ve also started the process of getting our vaccinations. Let me tell you folks, this has been a good time. Allow me to spare you the hell that is finding all this out on your own and just give you the cheat sheet on how to do this.
Step 1: Go to the CDC Traveler’s Health page to view which vaccines are required/recommended for each country you are attending.
Step 2: Decide which vaccines you want to get. We’re playing it safe and getting them all (except Rabies) to prevent any potential illness. Not to mention most of these you should have just in general.
Step 3: Contact your insurance company and see which vaccines they cover. Make sure to specifically ask about travel vaccines. This is where the list of vaccines you will need will come in handy. Insurance companies can be sneaky so ask about your specific ones.
Step 4: Ask your insurance company if they cover Take Care Walgreens Clinic or CVS’ Minute Clinic. If yes, after step 5 proceed to step 6. If not, after step 5 proceed to step 7. Also, be sure to find out if you are covered by your insurance should you have an emergency out of country! Some companies do NOT cover such things so you will need to get a second temporary policy.
Step 5: Print out your vaccination card. This is VERY handy to have. If you take the card to the clinic with you, they will fill in all the information. Also be sure to ask for a copy of all the vaccine information (lot number, etc.) this way should you react poorly, you can take that info with you to the emergency room.
Step 6: Make an appointment with Take Care or Minute Clinic to get your general (they do NOT do any traveler vaccines like Yellow Fever, Typhoid, etc.) vaccines. Since our insurance covers vaccines and these clinics, we paid $0.00! Not even a visit co-pay!
Step 7: Make an appointment with a travel medicine specialist for your travel vaccines (and general vaccines if needed). You can find a good resource here to locate your nearest one. I’m not going to lie, travel medicine specialists are EXPENSIVE! We’re getting Typhoid Fever shots, just 1 each and paying nearly $200. That’s the cheapest we found! You can also contact your county health department. They usually offer these shots as well for just over what travel medicine specialists are charging. Jerks.
So far I’ve gotten my Tetanus, Hepatitis A (shot 1 of 2) & Hepatitis B (shot 1 of 3). In 30 days I will go back for my 2nd Hepatitis B shot and my flu shot. T only needed his Hepatitis A series as he’s had Tetanus & Hepatitis B for work. When he goes back for shot 2 he’ll also get his flu shot. Next month we both will go to get our Typhoid Fever. We’ll then officially be all vaccinated and ready to go.
We opted out of Rabies for a few reasons, but the main one being we’re not doing anything with animals. Sure, a bat could bite me while we’re out and about, but our exposure to mammals is seriously minimal. Only exposure we’ll have is the camels. It doesn’t help that the Rabies shot is a 3 part series at $250 per shot! Hell to the no!
Travel Safety & Documents
I’m also starting work on our travel book that we will take with us. It will include all our important data like printed reservation receipts, vouchers, copies of our health stuff, embassy information. Please, I cannot stress this enough, definitely get ALL your embassy information ahead of time, including lost passport numbers. The last thing you want is to be stranded in a foreign county with a major language barrier trying to figure this all out. Also make sure you register your travel with the government. Takes a few minutes, but then they have a list of all US Citizens in a country so should a disaster (either manmade or natural) occur, they know who they need to get.
We’re also making copies of all this jazz for our families back here. That way should we go missing, our parents have all the information to give to the officials here. This includes color copies of our passports, copies of all the embassy information, copies of all the hotels we’ll be staying at, copies of our cruise information and our living wills. You can never be too safe friends. Better to have and not need, than to need and not have.
Put deposit on cruise
Put in for vacation
Put in for vacation (T)
Pay remaining balance of cruise
Book airfare
Make sure vaccines up to date
L:
T:
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Learn to use digital camera
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Birchbox: June
This month's theme was Jetsetter. I'm not 100% sure how they got that theme from the box contents, but oh well. This month was definitely better than last months and 1 product alone made it completely worth it.
So the starting line up....
Wonderstruck Taylor Swift 3.4 oz
stila One Step Bronze
Comodynes Self-Tanning Intensive
theBalm cosmetics Stainiac
LUNA Bar
I'm in complete LUST with the lip/cheek stain. This stuff is awesome and I'm so glad it was included. It has a pretty liquid consistency when you put it on, but it dries pretty fast and gives your lips a nice tint that lasts a good amount of time. The best part, no reapplying. All I have to put on is my typical Chapstick to moisturize my lips while my lips keep a nice red hue. LOVE it!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
124 Days...
Or 4 months & 3 days...
Wow, time finally is starting to feel like it's flying. I logged into my account for the cruise and the little bar at the top is almost halfway. Crazy to think that almost 4 months ago is when T and I decided to take this trip and now we're almost halfway! Hopefully we continue this momentum!
I am excited to say that I just booked our excursions for Rome before the cruise and the tour we are taking the day we get back. We decided to do Vatican City after the cruise. We started running low on time before and figured we could hit two birds with one stone. The excursion the day we get back takes us from the ship back to Rome and on the tour, dropping us off at the main transfer center which isn't too far from where we will be staying. This way we don't have to battle with the train that day. Not to mention you get off the boat before everyone else since this is an excursion. Woot for not having to wait!!
Finalize decision about trip
Put deposit on cruise
Put in for vacation
Put in for vacation (T)
Pay remaining balance of cruise
Book airfare
Sign up for shore excursions
Rome (before cruise)
Rome (after cruise)
Egypt
Israel
Greece
Naples
Book hotel for days before cruise & after
Make sure vaccines up to date
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Get new luggage
Learn to use digital camera
Wow, time finally is starting to feel like it's flying. I logged into my account for the cruise and the little bar at the top is almost halfway. Crazy to think that almost 4 months ago is when T and I decided to take this trip and now we're almost halfway! Hopefully we continue this momentum!
I am excited to say that I just booked our excursions for Rome before the cruise and the tour we are taking the day we get back. We decided to do Vatican City after the cruise. We started running low on time before and figured we could hit two birds with one stone. The excursion the day we get back takes us from the ship back to Rome and on the tour, dropping us off at the main transfer center which isn't too far from where we will be staying. This way we don't have to battle with the train that day. Not to mention you get off the boat before everyone else since this is an excursion. Woot for not having to wait!!
Sign up for shore excursions
Israel
Greece
Naples
Make sure vaccines up to date
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Learn to use digital camera
Friday, May 25, 2012
133 Days...
Or 4 months, 1 week & 5 days
I'm an idiot. I was so excited about our new duffel bags and waist packs that I completely spaced the colorful addition to the family, our shoe bags! Doh!
Alright, don't look too closely though because you'll be able to see all the flaws. Why? Because I made them! Yep, I'm learning to sew and figured this would be a good starter project for me. Not sure why my camera makes the colors crazy, but both are a cream base with blue/green/brown dots and pink/gold/purple circles.
Why did I make my own bags when you can buy them? I'm picky, although that isn't something new. I wanted something that was machine washable, durable, and not a plastic bag. Yes, I'm one of those people who wrapped their shoes up in Fry's plastic shopping bags. Allow me to hang my head in shame.When I was in my mad search for the perfect duffel bags I started looking for shoe bags, but was turned off by the colors, but mostly the price. $14.39 plus shipping for 2 bags was a bit step considering we need 6 (3 a piece). So off to Pinterest I went.
It took me all of 4 seconds to find this really easy tutorial. Then I bought some sale fabric at the quilting store and off to the sewing machine I went. I'll admit it was a little difficult to figure it out, but once I finished one the rest went wicked fast! The hardest part was just cutting the fabric, but I was also learning how to use the rotary cutter & mat. I'm sure for someone who isn't a novice seamstress these bags would be a quick afternoon project.
I couldn't be happier with the end results. Sure they aren't perfect,
they aren't 100% symmetrical and I'm sure none are identical in size,
but they still make me smile every time I look at them. They are also
exactly what I want. A nice stiff, but flexible cotton, easy to
open/close and fold up into a very small size. At the end of this
project, I probably spent around $20 for 6 bags, not too shabby if
you ask me!
I'm an idiot. I was so excited about our new duffel bags and waist packs that I completely spaced the colorful addition to the family, our shoe bags! Doh!
Why did I make my own bags when you can buy them? I'm picky, although that isn't something new. I wanted something that was machine washable, durable, and not a plastic bag. Yes, I'm one of those people who wrapped their shoes up in Fry's plastic shopping bags. Allow me to hang my head in shame.When I was in my mad search for the perfect duffel bags I started looking for shoe bags, but was turned off by the colors, but mostly the price. $14.39 plus shipping for 2 bags was a bit step considering we need 6 (3 a piece). So off to Pinterest I went.
It took me all of 4 seconds to find this really easy tutorial. Then I bought some sale fabric at the quilting store and off to the sewing machine I went. I'll admit it was a little difficult to figure it out, but once I finished one the rest went wicked fast! The hardest part was just cutting the fabric, but I was also learning how to use the rotary cutter & mat. I'm sure for someone who isn't a novice seamstress these bags would be a quick afternoon project.
I couldn't be happier with the end results. Sure they aren't perfect,
they aren't 100% symmetrical and I'm sure none are identical in size,
but they still make me smile every time I look at them. They are also
exactly what I want. A nice stiff, but flexible cotton, easy to
open/close and fold up into a very small size. At the end of this
project, I probably spent around $20 for 6 bags, not too shabby ifyou ask me!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
135 Days...
Or 4 months & 2 weeks...
The mission to find duffel bags is OVER! I ordered them last week and this evening I came home to three lovely boxes sitting in my foyer. I practically jumped for joy when I saw them. I'm an impatient person in case you haven't figured that out yet and I've been dying to see these in person. A lot went into finding the perfect duffel because I am one of the pickiest people alive. When I say picky, I don't just mean I have certain taste and don't like to stray. I mean I will literally not settle for anything that doesn't meet my standards.
My criteria was pretty ridiculous. I wanted a medium size bag that had a shoulder strap and wheels. It had to be easy to pack and also lightweight, but durable. It also needed to be under $50 a bag. I'm not sure if you've ever tried to find a wheeled duffel that has a shoulder strap, it's freaking hard! Apparently if they have wheels the manufacturer just assumes you will never need to carry it. I wanted both because I wanted the luxury of wheeling in on flat surfaces, but the ability to carry it when walking over the cobblestone and doing the train. I also wanted it to be stylish, but that was on the lower end of my priority list. So imagine how ecstatic I was to find this bag.
Wheels..check. Shoulder strap..check. Lightweight and easy to pack..check. Under $50..check. Stylish..check. I was so excited to find this bag and even more excited when I saw the price. It was well under my $50 limit and because I've purchased from ebags before, I got an additional 10% off & free shipping. Score!! T and I ended up going with pretty neutral bags, but mine does have a little more flare. T went with boring, manly, classic black and I went with a black and white houndsooth pattern. I really wanted something that would be easy to pick out on the luggage carousel, but not be overly crazy.
I ended up only taking mine out of the box so far just to see it, play with it and try it out. A couple of negatives right off the bat, the smell. Good god does this bag have a horrible smell. I know it's the materials and thankfully we have enough time to air them out, but this is definitely not one of those buy, get and immediately travel type. I was prepared for that though as a couple of the reviews did note the smell. The next issue is the bottom. Because it does have wheels and a handle (it folds down into a compartment at the bottom of the bag) it does smack against you when you are walking. While this might not sound like a big deal, it's definitely not comfortable. These are not deal breakers though and considering the very reasonable price, we'll keep 'em.
I also got our wallet belts. These will come in handy to keep our personal effects close and protected. They are definitely NOT fashionable, but that doesn't really matter since they will be under our clothes. Now I just need to make sure I keep the minimum in mine and not pack it full like I do my purse. My mental goal is to only carry my money, passport, other important docs and my chapstick & cellphone. Our digital camera is small so that can go in my pocket, but will most likely spend a majority of the time in my hand.
Speaking of my camera, I need to learn how to use that damn thing. I've been wanting to get a better camera, but T refuses until I actually learn how to use our existing one, that we had purchased specifically for Mexico. It was not cheap and I'm sure would take beautiful pictures if I figured out the settings and which ones to use. Great, just added yet another item to my to do list.
Finalize decision about trip
Put deposit on cruise
Put in for vacation
Put in for vacation (T)
Pay remaining balance of cruise
Book airfare
Sign up for shore excursions
Egypt
Israel
Greece
Naples
Book hotel for days before cruise & after
Make sure vaccines up to date
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Get new luggage
Learn to use digital camera
The mission to find duffel bags is OVER! I ordered them last week and this evening I came home to three lovely boxes sitting in my foyer. I practically jumped for joy when I saw them. I'm an impatient person in case you haven't figured that out yet and I've been dying to see these in person. A lot went into finding the perfect duffel because I am one of the pickiest people alive. When I say picky, I don't just mean I have certain taste and don't like to stray. I mean I will literally not settle for anything that doesn't meet my standards.
My criteria was pretty ridiculous. I wanted a medium size bag that had a shoulder strap and wheels. It had to be easy to pack and also lightweight, but durable. It also needed to be under $50 a bag. I'm not sure if you've ever tried to find a wheeled duffel that has a shoulder strap, it's freaking hard! Apparently if they have wheels the manufacturer just assumes you will never need to carry it. I wanted both because I wanted the luxury of wheeling in on flat surfaces, but the ability to carry it when walking over the cobblestone and doing the train. I also wanted it to be stylish, but that was on the lower end of my priority list. So imagine how ecstatic I was to find this bag.
Wheels..check. Shoulder strap..check. Lightweight and easy to pack..check. Under $50..check. Stylish..check. I was so excited to find this bag and even more excited when I saw the price. It was well under my $50 limit and because I've purchased from ebags before, I got an additional 10% off & free shipping. Score!! T and I ended up going with pretty neutral bags, but mine does have a little more flare. T went with boring, manly, classic black and I went with a black and white houndsooth pattern. I really wanted something that would be easy to pick out on the luggage carousel, but not be overly crazy.
I ended up only taking mine out of the box so far just to see it, play with it and try it out. A couple of negatives right off the bat, the smell. Good god does this bag have a horrible smell. I know it's the materials and thankfully we have enough time to air them out, but this is definitely not one of those buy, get and immediately travel type. I was prepared for that though as a couple of the reviews did note the smell. The next issue is the bottom. Because it does have wheels and a handle (it folds down into a compartment at the bottom of the bag) it does smack against you when you are walking. While this might not sound like a big deal, it's definitely not comfortable. These are not deal breakers though and considering the very reasonable price, we'll keep 'em.
I also got our wallet belts. These will come in handy to keep our personal effects close and protected. They are definitely NOT fashionable, but that doesn't really matter since they will be under our clothes. Now I just need to make sure I keep the minimum in mine and not pack it full like I do my purse. My mental goal is to only carry my money, passport, other important docs and my chapstick & cellphone. Our digital camera is small so that can go in my pocket, but will most likely spend a majority of the time in my hand.
Speaking of my camera, I need to learn how to use that damn thing. I've been wanting to get a better camera, but T refuses until I actually learn how to use our existing one, that we had purchased specifically for Mexico. It was not cheap and I'm sure would take beautiful pictures if I figured out the settings and which ones to use. Great, just added yet another item to my to do list.
Sign up for shore excursions
Israel
Greece
Naples
Make sure vaccines up to date
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Learn to use digital camera
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