Not A Good Day...

I have good days.

Then I have bad days. Today is a bad day, I just didn't realize it until now. I've been short all day. I've been annoyed and everything has gotten on my nerves. It was only as I started listening to Beethoven and perusing the internet that I realized, today is a bad day. I'm angry. I'm so angry I can barely stand it. I want someone, anyone, to tell me why my baby is gone. I don't want the cliche "everything happens for a reason." If that was true, then you could tell me the reason. But no one can and no one ever will.

I'm supposed to be getting excited right now about sharing the news of our baby with our family. I should be stalking Personalizationmall.com for the status of the custom frames I picked out. I should be purchasing a bella band online and reading through all my pregnancy books. I should be looking at nursery furniture online and arguing with T about names. I'm not though. Instead, I'm looking at memorial jewelry online because I want something to remind me of my baby. A baby that most people think I shouldn't be greiving, but oh god am I. I never knew how much I could love until we lost Spawn. When we lost Spawn, my heart broke in a way I never thought it could. I'm not talking my boyfriend dumped me heartbroken. I'm talking a crippling pain that completely changes how you look at everything.

Spawn, I miss you so much my heart hurts. I hate that the entire world is still going like nothing happened. I hate that not everyone is wearing black, mourning a pecious soul that never got to live. I hate that I never even had the chance to protect you. I feel like I failed you as a mommy because my one job was to keep you safe and I couldn't. I hate that I have no where to go to visit you. I don't have a grave to cry at or put balloons on your birthday. I don't have an urn to hold close to my heart. The rest of the world acts like you never existed, but this huge hole in my heart reminds me with every beat that you did. I know I've said it a thousand times and I will continue to say it until my very last breath, I love you sweet baby, to the moon and back!

The Dreaded Appointment...

Today was my m/c f/u appointment. Thankfully it was not as bad as I had played it in my mind. There were no pregnant women waiting (Halle-fucking-lujah!) I was called back relatively quickly and unfortunately, put in the same room that I was in when I was pregnant. Ugh. The medical assistant was nice, but tried to offer her support. She said all the cliche phrases like "things happen for a reason" and "m/c's are very common." I get that she was trying to help me, but I would much rather someone say the truth like "this sucks!"

Waiting wasn't too terrible and my doc came in after only about 5 min. The appointment itself was over in about 5 minutes. She went over my numbers with me, which are at 116, not under 100 like I was originally told. Obviously I will need to do another beta in 2 weeks to make sure I'm at zero. Otherwise, she's "happy" with how my body has handled the process and told us after 2 cycles we can jump on the saddle again. Whether or not we actually do then is unknown at this time. She did say that next time I get pregnant, they are going to follow my pregnancy more closely during the 1st tri.

I would love to say that our shit sandwhich is done, but apparently we are only starting it. T was rearended in his work vehicle this afternoon. Thankfully he is fine, just stiff and sore, but did have to go to the ER to get checked out (work orders). The entire way to the hospital I just kept looking at the sky and yelling "seriously?! Who did I piss off up there?" I'm sure other drivers thought I was bat shit crazy. It did suck that T was at the same hospital though where I was when we lost Spawn. I was cracking some jokes though because of course T gets a nice room with a cushy bed, for a back injury. I was practically bleeding my entire weight and was put into a broom closet with NO bed. WTF?! I'm totally wearing his badge the next time I go to the ER. I'll just fake the authority.

8 Days Later...

It's been 8 days since we lost Spawn. It's hard to believe, yet easy to believe all in the same breath. I haven't felt like posting on here the last few days. Not because I have nothing to say, believe me, I have plenty. It's just, this was the blog I created specifically to document my pregnancy with Spawn. I wanted to use it as a way to keep our family & friends that aren't here up to date on the latest and greatest with our little one. Now it's a blog about losing Spawn. That's a topic that NO mother should ever have to discuss.

The last 8 days have sucked and that is putting it mildly! The cramps were god awful for the first few days and I still had all my pregnancy symptoms. Talk about killing one's heart. It damn near killed me to be laying there in so much pain and bleeding so heavily, all the while my boobs killed. I wanted to disown my body. It was unfair that my body didn't realize sooner that my baby was gone. I had to endure the symptoms for a few days. Finally, I'm feeling "normal." I'm using that term loosely too since I'm not sure what normal even is anymore.

Physically, I'm almost back to normal. No more pregnancy symptoms and the cramps are gone. Emotionally, well, the jury is still out. I have good days, then I have bad days. I'll have days where I'm smiling and laughing, cracking jokes like my old self. Then I'll have a day where I'm short, bitter and a complete basket case. I'll play horribly depressing songs on repeat just to torture myself. Not sure why, but I do. Luckily the bad days aren't as frequent as the good. It also helps that T has been super supportive through this whole thing. He's been right there at my side. If there was ever a doubt in my mind that T is the man for me, those doubts have been quashed the last few days.

Tomorrow is my post m/c f/u which sadly was supposed to be my 1st appt. Tonight I was supposed to be so excited to see our little one for the 1st time. We were going to tell our families soon too. Now it's going to be about the loss and where we go from here. In hindsight, I probably should have rescheduled this appointment so it's not at the time when it was supposed to be my super happy appointment. We'll see how homicidal I am after this.

My betas are going down, which I guess is good. That just means my body did something right for once. My doc will continue to monitor them until they hit 0 to make sure everything is free and clear. Then we wait. We have to wait for my body to start a cycle again. When that will be, who knows. Could be April, could be May. The only consistent thing about this is there is tons of waiting.

I have decided one thing, I'm going to get a tattoo in memory of Spawn. I know there are people out there who think getting tattoo's to memorialize a miscarriage is silly, but to those people I say kiss my ass. I want to have something that is special and meaningful to me. That way no matter where I am, who I'm with or how old I get, I will always have that special tribute to our little baby.

Spawn, I love you my precious baby, with my entire heart!

Goodbye Our Precious One...

Yesterday morning a part of my heart went to heaven. We lost our little one.

I woke up at around 4 am with horrible cramps. They were the worst I had ever had in my entire life. I immediately got up and headed to the bathroom. I knew almost instantly something was wrong. I was bleeding heavily and the pain wouldn't stop. I was in so much pain I was shaking and couldn't find the strength to even get up. 30 minutes later I forced myself up and woke T up. Immediately we headed to the ER.

We arrived at the ER just after 5 am and got checked in. Unfortunately there were quite a few people in the ER so I had to wait. I couldn't find a comfortable position because the pain would not let up. T did a good job trying to keep me calm, but it was hard. I knew what was going on. What felt like an eternity later I was taken into a room and the nurse put an IV in. They needed to draw 4 viles of blood and were going to give me fluids.

At that point everything went fast and became somewhat of a blur. I was given some pain meds and became a little loopy. I had an ultrasound and an exam and was ultimately told that not only was our little one not with us anymore, but my uterus was empty. I already knew that though. I knew the second it happened when we were at home.

Finally just before noon I was released and sent home with a prescription for pain meds. I spent most of the day sleeping. I did find some strength to at least take a shower. I was dying to clean up after everything. Shortly after my shower I decided to just go to bed. I was ready for the day to be over already. Today I stayed home from work again to relax and I am still in quite a bit of pain. I called my OB and went in for my blood draw. They are going to now monitor my levels to make sure they go back down to 0. If they don't, that means there is something still left and they will have to then surgically remove it. I have a follow up appointment next week. My post miscarriage appointment is actually the appointment on 3/29. The appointment that was supposed to be my pregnancy confirmation appointment and first u/s.

All in all, I'm doing okay. With everything that happened, I somewhat knew this was going to happen. I hoped and prayed that this little one would stay, but deep down I knew it wasn't meant to be. Spawn, I love you more than words can describe. You will always be in my heart and I promise you there will not be a day that goes by where I don't think about you.

6w1d - Dear Spawn, You're Grounded, Love Mom

I knew that T's & my child would be a pain in the butt. We're both sarcastic and bull headed. I didn't expect that our kid would be such an overachiever that s/he would start in utero!

This morning I woke up to some cramping. Nothing out of the ordinary since I've been cramping the whole time, but definitely annoying. I went to the bathroom and my heart dropped to the floor when I saw that I was spotting. That on the other hand was new and scary. Immediately my brain goes to worst case scenario mode. Of course I start bawling fearing the worst.

I immediately called my doctor's office and they were able to get me in. I had to call into work, which made me feel awful, but was unfortunately necessary. The wait at the office SUCKED. While I sat there wondering if my child was okay, happily pregnant women kept coming and going. A couple of them looked like they were ready to pop too!

Finally I got called back to meet with the nurse. She opted to do a pelvic exam to make sure my cervix was closed and was going to do another internal u/s to make sure Spawn's heart was still beating. During the pelvic she did mention my cervix appears to be closed, but she could see the blood, just not the source. Wonderful. Then came time for my u/s. It wasn't as awesome as the last one. She didn't quickly find my baby and point out the wonderful news that her/his heart was beating. It took her a good minute or two to even find the baby. That was the most tense moment of my life!

When she finally found Spawn on the old ghetto machine she pointed out the flicker. Though Spawn's heart rate wasn't as high as it was last time, she did say it was still in the healthy range. She did print out another picture for me and said everything looks normal in my uterus. I was thankful and frustrated at that point. I'm so thankful that Spawn is okay, but so frustrated that no one can give me straight answers. I don't want to hear that spotting is normal! I want to know what is causing it so we can correct it!

She did chat with me for a few minutes after my exam and made sure to explain that I need to try to relax and stay positive. I wanted to slap her. She had my chart, she saw the hell it's been. She then reiterated that I am classified as "High Risk for Miscarriage." Isn't that special. I get to go back again next Friday for another u/s to make sure Spawn is still a-okay.

I did decide that Spawn is probably going to be an only child. I cannot imagine going through this again, especially with child. For now, Spawn is okay and still baking away and is currently grounded until s/he's 30.

6w - Weekly Baby Update

How your baby's growing:

This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil.

How your life's changing:

You may find yourself developing a bit of a split personality — feeling moody one day and joyful the next. Unsettling as this is (especially if you pride yourself on being in control), what you're going through is normal. Ricocheting emotions are caused partly by fluctuating hormones. But hormones aside, your life is about to change in a big way — and who wouldn't feel emotional about that?
Spotting (spots of blood on your underpants or toilet tissue after urinating) or bleeding is relatively common in early pregnancy, affecting up to a quarter of pregnant women. It may occur in a normal pregnancy, but sometimes it can be the first sign of miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. If you have any spotting or bleeding, call your provider.



**info from babycenter**

Follow Up U/S Reveals....

SPAWN!! After the thousands of tears and prayers, we learned that our "blighted ovum" is actually our healthy baby! I had my f/u u/s today that was supposed to be the confirmation of my diagnosis, but to everyone's shock, the u/s found our little one. Truly the most amazing moment of my life!

The u/s started off less than stellar, which sucked. The tech was incredibly nice and he started with the abdominal portion first. He was able to see the gestational sac, but could not see the baby. I became choked up, but he remained optimistic. So he moved onto the transvaginal u/s. I couldn't even look at the screen. I just stared at the ceiling while he began the u/s and the nurse next to me offered her reassuring smiles. Finally what felt like a lifetime later, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, the tech said "Here, look at this," so I looked at teh screen. He was pointing to a little speck on the u/s and said "do you know what that is?" I replied with "No." He smiled and said "That's your baby!" I immediately burst into tears.

The rest of the u/s was a blur at that point. I couldn't stop crying and kept apologizing over and over again. I do remember saying "I'm sorry, it's just been a really stressful 10 days." The nurse was very sweet and kept telling me I had no reason to apologize, that I was allowed to cry and be happy and relieved. The good news didn't stop at just finding out Spawn is indeed growing. The tech was not only able to find the heart beat, he was able to zoom in enough for us to hear it! Our little one has a healthy heart rate of 117bpm (beats per minute).

After taking his measurements and being kind enough to print me out 5 pictures, the tech advised the u/s was over and to get dressed. I met him and the nurse in the hallway to discuss where we go from here. I am going to go in again on 3/29, which was my original doctor's appointment. My doc will do another u/s to confirm Spawn's growth and from there I join the ranks of "normal" pregnant women going only 1 a month until my last month.

After the initial excitment, total crippling fear set in. All I could think about is how far I should be based on when I got my BFP and how low my #'s were. I asked the tech if it was bad that I'm only measuring 5w6d instead of 7w1d where my LMP puts me. I was mid sentence when he put his hand up and said "I'm going to stop you right there. You need to stop worrying about what has happened up to this point. When you got your positive and your #'s don't mean anything at this point. All that matters is you have a healthy growing baby inside you who is measuring beautifully and has a healthy heart rate." I really liked him.

On my way out I couldn't wipe the smile off my face and it was obvious that I had been crying. The very sweet receptionists both looked at me and said "Well?" I smiled and said "See you guys on the 29th" and showed my u/s pictures. They both smiled and the schedule lady said "See you then!"

To say we are excited is an understatement. Now that we've seen the heartbeat my chances of miscarriage go down to about 13% and I now only have the normal fear lingering over my head. I feel like a huge weight was taken off my chest and now I can breathe again. The tears that fall from my eyes are for relief and excitement, not fear and sadness. My entire world has totally changed, again, and I'm in love with absolutely EVERY second of it.

Spawn, I love you more than words can describe. To see your heartbeat today brought a joy to my heart that I never knew existed. There are not many things in this world that I am sure of anymore, but there is ONE thing I know for sure and that is your mommy & daddy love you so much and we will move heaven on earth to make sure you stay safe. So snuggle up little one, we're in this for the long haul!

Beta #4 = WTF?!

After one polite voicemail this morning and a somewhat "hate" voicemail this afternoon, my OB's office finally got back to me with my beta results. As I speculated they might, they went up. Not just up though, they jumped up. From 1592 on the 9th to 3064 on the 14th. Sure, it's not by any means a super awesome jump and most women probably wouldn't get excited about it, but I'm a little excited about it. After my last lackluster slight increase in numbers, I was told this was it. My betas could continue to barely rise, but would most likely start to taper off. I had mentally prepared myself. Then this.

Luckily the obsessing won't need to last long as my follow up u/s is tomorrow at 4:15 pm. I'm anxious, excited, nervous and scared. I would love nothing more than to go tomorrow and find out that Spawn is growing strong and the blighted ovum diagnosis is wrong, but if I think like that and find out the diagnosis was correct, I fear it would destroy me. Either way, this time tomorrow I will probably know one way or the other...

T Minus 43 Hours & Counting

I had my 4th beta draw this morning. Luckily there were NO happily pregnant women in the office so waiting wasn't nearly as gut wrenching as the last time. Side note, I don't think I mentioned the pregnant teenager who was bitching about having to drink the glucose crap for her GD test did I? Yeah, last time I went for my blood draw it took forever because the tech was waiting for a "woman" who was running late for her GD test. She failed to mention the girl was young with her boyfriend who had pants hanging around his ass. Not that I'm judging. Not all young parents are idiots, but seriously, they were the cliche pregnant kids. He was complaining about having to wait, she didn't understand why they wouldn't let her go home and there I was. Quietly bouncing my legs as I waited so I could get my draw done and flee the office. Under normal circumstances, I probably wouldn't have noticed them. Luckily the tech called me back right as the expectant mother started complaining about her gaining 15 pounds this pregnancy and never being able to fit into a bikini again. I'm not kidding.

Anyways, this morning was quick, easy and relatively painless. I was able to make it to work on time and go about my day. Thankfully I was so busy I couldn't see straight. Being busy helps. Not staring at the clock, holding my breath, waiting for my cell to ring with the results makes time feel like it's moving just a tad faster. I will get my results tomorrow. I want them, but I don't want them. As much as I am trying to NOT hold onto that hope my heart can't help it. I so badly want the medical assistant to call and say "holy moly your betas went way up and are now in the way healthy range" instead of the "your betas went up, slightly." Even though I know she won't have fantastic news, it will still sting when I actually hear it.

The next step in this god awful process is my follow up u/s on Wednesday afternoon. Although, that's only if the tech gets out of jury duty. If he doesn't, then lord knows when I'll have that u/s. I hope sooner rather than later. I need closure. I need to know. It will have been 10 days between u/s's so I'm sure if there was going to be progress, they would see it. Honestly, I have no feelings about the u/s. I want it and don't want it. I want to know, but I don't want to know.

To add insult to injury, my body still hasn't figured out that the baby stopped developing. Though my betas are in that "blighted ovum" range, my boobs are still killing me, I still have cramps, my back still hurts, I still have to pee every 5 minutes and I'm hungry all the time. I have all my original pregnancy symptoms. It's playing horrible tricks on my mind, but mostly my heart. My head says my body will catch on, while my heart screams "it's a sign! Your baby is still there!" At this point, I just generally loathe my body, every little part of it.

I didn't know I loved you so much...

Well, I FINALLY got my 3rd beta results back, a whopping 1592. Only a 16% increase. I think it's safe to say this pregnancy is not viable. :*-(

I wasn't actually able to speak with my doc, but I did speak with the medical assistant for a few. She gave me the low down on what my doc thought. Basically, she thinks it's possibly a blighted ovum, but only a u/s will confirm that. So on Monday I will have my 4th beta draw (not sure why) and then on Wednesday I will have my u/s to confirm the blighted ovum.

I'm relatively neutral at this point. I cry at the most random times over the most random stuff. Like today at work I broke into tears when I couldn't figure out why my numbers were off by just over $100. Then my boss called and mentioned he forgot to tell me about a journal entry he did, cue the tears. Luckily I don't think he caught my completely irrational breakdown. I know it had nothing to do with the situation, it had everything to do with the most important situation that I have absolutely NO control over.

I'm not sure if my doctor will want to do a D&C or if she will push naturally miscarrying, but I would prefer the D&C. I want to go to sleep and wake up knowing it's all over. I would like them to test the tissue to see if the baby had genetic defects. I think it would make me feel better to know there was something horribly wrong to give me peace of mind that my baby never had to suffer. Otherwise, I will just continue to hate my body that much more for failing to keep our baby safe.

I know my family is caught between a rock and a hard place over this. With my sister recently announcing her own pregnancy, it makes my losing this one that much more difficult. I'm happy for her, I genuinely am. I can't wait to be an Aunt! I can't wait to spoil the hell out of that kid, get him/her all whacked out on sugar and send them home. It's just hard watching someone go through a process with such a wonderful experience, when mine ended so horribly. I can't imagine what it's like for my mom & dad. Caught between being over the moon excited about their first grandchild, and horribly upset about the loss of another.

I will say, having become pregnant and sadly now going through a loss, I truly understand a mother's love. It's a love that is so intense and profound that there are very few words to describe it. I would have gone to hell and back to keep this little one safe and healthy. If I had the choice of ripping my eye out with a rusty spoon or losing this baby, I'd demand the spoon. I always wondered why women greived so much when they had a miscarriage. I was under the horrible misunderstanding that you really didn't know the child, they didn't really grow into a child persay, but that's all wrong. I knew this baby existed before a test told me so. I knew when something went wrong and I can honestly say that I have never loved another person as much as I loved Spawn.

I know my heart will heal. It will never be the same, but it will heal. Someday in the future we will try again for a child and hope that Spawn will watch over his/her little sibling and keep them safe. Spawn, I promise you there will not be a day when I won't think of you and miss you with my whole heart. I love you baby, to the moon and back!

6w - ????

We are still in a holding pattern.

I called my OB on my way to work yesterday as the ER instructed me to do. I barely made it to my office before her office called me back and said she wanted to see me. So I turned right back around and headed towards my OB's office. I called T and barked some sort of order to grab my paperwork from the ER. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but I'm sure it made no sense and was incredibly stressed.

First things first, I like my new OB a lot. Her office was very nice and very friendly. I felt very comfortable with the women and my OB was very friendly. She didn't rush through everything and I felt like she really took her time to answer my questions and explain everything to me. The hard part is we still have to wait. She ordered to have my HCG checked, a few other things as well, and that we will go from there. She couldn't say for sure that this pregnancy is over, but much like the doctor at the ER, she wasn't hopeful.

After a few frantic calls to her office today I got my beta results. They went from 1011 to 1368. Great? Not by any means, but still going up. I guess the jump isn't too bad considering there was only 24 hours between draws, but the levels should definitely be higher given my gestation. I have to go back again tomorrow to see if the levels still go up, stand still, go down, whatever.

Spawn, if you can hear me, please stick around. I promise you that your mommy & daddy are actually very cool people who love you very much.

5w5d - Holding Pattern

Today sucks and I just want it to be over.

Yesterday I started having some back pain. It started off as just a dull ache and started getting worse as time progressed. By this morning, I was done with it. I thought I just had another kidney infection and off to Urgent Care I went. I was the 1st person to arrive so I figured I would be in and out. Of course they give me one of those tiny urine specimen cups and want you to somehow pee into it. I am convinced these were designed by men. If I woman would have done it, the opening would have been MUCH bigger. So I gave them my sample and waited.

A few minutes later the doctor entered and began asking me tons of questions. He listened to my lungs and began pushing around on my back. I practically went through the roof. That's when he dropped the bomb, my urine was completely normal and he was concerned I was having an ectopic pregnancy. The oxygen was sucked from the room. He immediately ordered that I go to the ER to get checked out. My blood pressure went through the roof at that point.

There were only a couple people in the waiting room at the ER so I figured it would be, hopefully, quick and easy. I had to get all my vitals checked and as to be expected, my blood pressure was literally through the roof. As soon as I mentioned possible ectopic pregnancy, they immediately took me back. There was no waiting in the waiting room until my number was called. I bypassed the line.

Thankfully (?) everything went really fast at that point. They drew my blood, had me give ANOTHER urine sample in a cup that was surprisingly smaller than the one at urgent care and ordered an ultrasound. My u/s was definitely less than desireable. Because the tech was looking for a possible ectopic pregnancy she had to push in sensitive areas and stretch me in ways I never imagined. Within the hour I got my results. There was good news and then there was bad news.

Good news: No ectopic pregnancy! Fallopian tubes are clear and everything looks normal & healthy.

Bad news: Spawn is measuring 2 weeks behind and my HCG levels are only at 1011. The doctor, being a medical professional who was taught little to no personal interaction skills, began spitting out all these different statistics and numbers. Long story short, he thinks the baby stopped developing right after my positive HPT.

I am in a holding pattern. I will have to call my OB tomorrow and explain the situation to see if she wants to draw more beta's to make sure my numbers are rising or if she wants to do another u/s in a couple days to make sure the baby is developing. Or, she could opt to just have me wait until my first appointment on 3/29. Either way, I have no answers today. All I can do is hope and pray that this baby is okay and just a little lazy like his/her daddy.

5w3d - Over Decade Long Run Over

After nearly a decade of being able to not toss my cookies, spawn has decided s/he is NOT a fan of the much loved Burger King. I was taking a shower when my stomach started to hurt really badly. I ignored it and finished my shower. No sooner do I get out, dry off and get dressed was my head in the toilet getting rid of half my dinner. The other half is still churning inside my stomach. I'm shocked considering Burger King makes up about 50% of T's diet.

I am hopeful that this is a fluke and NOT a sign of things to come!!!!

5w1d - Internet =/= Your Friend

The internet is a wonderful thing that has made everyday life not only easier, but lazier. Now, you don’t have to go to the library and actually read a book, oh no, just Google and you have your response. I’m sure by the time spawn is in school and doing his/her reports, when I ask about going to the library to do research, s/he will wonder what that mythical place even is. Personally, I’m a fan of actual books. I like to hold them and manually turn the pages. I love the smell of a book after it’s had a few years to age on your shelf. That’s not saying I don’t have eBooks on my iPad, I most certainly do.

Anynews, the internet can also be your worst enemy turning on you at the drop of a hat. When you are worried and concerned about something, you no longer need to turn to friends and family, you can Google your issue and see all those lovely statistics that make you turn from a totally sane and rational person to a complete psycho basket case, especially about pregnancy. Ladies, and even gentlemen, when you are concerned about something relating to your pregnancy, do yourself a HUGE favor and don’t Google it, actually call your doctor and ask.

Google has turned into my own personal drug. I know it’s bad. I know that everyone tells me I should stop, but I just can’t. There is something about having the ability to pull up thousands of worst case scenarios in a matter of milliseconds that just makes the world go round. I get a little cramp, I Dr. Google my issue and of course the results tell me that I’m either having a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, a cancerous tumor growing in my uterus or every now and then it tells me I’m completely normal and it’s a healthy sign of pregnancy.

So what’s the moral of the story here kids? When you are have a question about your pregnancy, or anything really, don’t turn to our frenemy Google, actually ask a human being who can rattle off the same statistics, but with a little more personal touch. It’s like a fuck you, with a smile.

5w - Weekly Baby Update





How your baby's growing:

Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.

His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.

The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

How your life's changing:

You may notice some pregnancy-related discomforts already. Many women report sore breasts, fatigue, and frequent urination starting in the early weeks. You may also have nausea, though it's more likely to show up in the coming weeks.

The outside world won't see any sign of the dramatic developments taking place inside you — except that you're turning down that glass of wine with dinner, perhaps. It's important to avoid alcohol throughout your pregnancy since no one knows exactly how much — or how little — alcohol can harm a developing baby.
You'll also want to continue or start an exercise routine. Exercise helps you develop the strength and endurance you'll need to manage the extra weight you'll be carrying. It may help prevent some of the aches and pains of pregnancy, and many women find that it's a great stress-reducer. Exercise can also help you get ready for the physical rigors of labor.

Finally, it's easier to bounce back after you give birth if you've continued some form of exercise throughout pregnancy. Choose a safe, moderately vigorous activity you enjoy. Walking and swimming are fine choices for pregnant women.

**info from baby center**