Goodbye Our Precious One...

Yesterday morning a part of my heart went to heaven. We lost our little one.

I woke up at around 4 am with horrible cramps. They were the worst I had ever had in my entire life. I immediately got up and headed to the bathroom. I knew almost instantly something was wrong. I was bleeding heavily and the pain wouldn't stop. I was in so much pain I was shaking and couldn't find the strength to even get up. 30 minutes later I forced myself up and woke T up. Immediately we headed to the ER.

We arrived at the ER just after 5 am and got checked in. Unfortunately there were quite a few people in the ER so I had to wait. I couldn't find a comfortable position because the pain would not let up. T did a good job trying to keep me calm, but it was hard. I knew what was going on. What felt like an eternity later I was taken into a room and the nurse put an IV in. They needed to draw 4 viles of blood and were going to give me fluids.

At that point everything went fast and became somewhat of a blur. I was given some pain meds and became a little loopy. I had an ultrasound and an exam and was ultimately told that not only was our little one not with us anymore, but my uterus was empty. I already knew that though. I knew the second it happened when we were at home.

Finally just before noon I was released and sent home with a prescription for pain meds. I spent most of the day sleeping. I did find some strength to at least take a shower. I was dying to clean up after everything. Shortly after my shower I decided to just go to bed. I was ready for the day to be over already. Today I stayed home from work again to relax and I am still in quite a bit of pain. I called my OB and went in for my blood draw. They are going to now monitor my levels to make sure they go back down to 0. If they don't, that means there is something still left and they will have to then surgically remove it. I have a follow up appointment next week. My post miscarriage appointment is actually the appointment on 3/29. The appointment that was supposed to be my pregnancy confirmation appointment and first u/s.

All in all, I'm doing okay. With everything that happened, I somewhat knew this was going to happen. I hoped and prayed that this little one would stay, but deep down I knew it wasn't meant to be. Spawn, I love you more than words can describe. You will always be in my heart and I promise you there will not be a day that goes by where I don't think about you.