Operation De-Whale: Week 4

Weekly Lost: +2.8 pounds (Realistic/I Wish Goal: -2 pounds/-2 pounds)
Total Lost: -3.2 pounds (Realistic/I Wish Goal: -6.2 pounds/-9 pounds)
Days Worked Out: 1/5

Alright, can I get real for a second here? This morning after my near epic meltdown over my 2.8 pound gain, I started to really think about my weight loss goals and why I’m having such a hard time sticking with it. Last year, getting on the horse was super easy and staying up there was even easier. I was focused, I was determined. I lost 60 pounds like it was nothing. This second go around has been miserably difficult and I think I figured out why.

When people set their goals, I think they tend to go with what the “average” is. At least, I know I did. According to the vast majority of charts I should be at a certain weight. That weight is what drove my “I Wish” goal. I did some additional research and came across this. Something that takes into account your body frame. I’ve always known I had a large frame (been told many times that I should have played football!) so finally seeing something take that into account completely changed how I look at weight loss. Then it clicked, maybe the reason I’m having such a hard time staying focused is because deep down I know I’m aiming for something my body very well may never allow.

Looking back, I was never super thin. I could never wear the ultra-cool Guess jeans. I could never wear the cute tops. I’ve always had to buy a size up to accommodate my broad shoulders. I’m not sure why I thought I could try to aim for a goal weight that is actually meant for a small frame. Wishful thinking maybe? Who knows. All I know is that I completely set myself up for failure in this and because of that, I’ve been failing miserably.

Now, I’m not adjusting my goal per say, I’m just getting a little more realistic here. My original goal was a weight loss of 53 pounds. My more realistic goal is a weight loss of 40.2 pounds. I’m still going to aim for my “I Wish” goal, but as long as I stay with the “Realistic” goal I’ll be happy.

Operation De-Whale: Week 3

Weekly Lost: 0 pounds (Goal: -2 pounds)
Total Lost: -6 pounds (Goal: -7 pounds)
Days Worked Out: 5/5

I'm NOT a happy camper right now. Despite my working out everyday last week I didn't lose a single pound. Not a damn ounce. When I stepped on the scale this morning I was optimistic. I mean, I worked my ass off last week. I expected to see at least 1 - 2 pounds down. Seeing the same number as last week made me want to throw my scale across the room. I figured it had to be wrong. I got off it, reset it and stepped back on. Exact same. Should have been a sign how the rest of my Monday would be!

After my day from hell (the whole lack of weight loss was just the start of it) I decided to go out for dinner. I wanted to eat something fattening. Something greasy and full calories. We had Chick-Fil-A and even pissed, I still couldn't bring myself to binge. I kept it semi-decent. Then I came home, baked cookies for T's work (ate 2) and then felt guilty so ran my ass off on the treadmill. I know going off the wagon won't help my issues, which is why I couldn't let myself fall off. Sure I didn't eat super well, but I stayed below my calorie goal so I'm happy with that.

I'm hoping that the lack of weight loss is just a fluke and that I'm bloated (good ol' PMS) and that next week we'll see a 4-5 pounds weight loss. Otherwise, I might very well light my treadmill on fire!

DIY: Side Tables

This weekend the 'rents and I headed to the beloved Ikea. As always, that place rocked my world. I found a bajillion things I would LOVE to put into my house, but somehow I managed to stick to my T approved shopping list. The big task I wanted to complete this weekend was my hacked Ikea Lack side tables. I'm sure you've seen this hack quite a few times, I'm not going to pretend I'm the one who came up with it, but I did add my own little touch...

Figured those first few steps would be a lot easier to just put into some simple collages. Yes, I'm one of those freaks who likes to take pictures of every step. I guess it's because I'm a visual learner. Anywho, after I got table 1 put together, it was time to see how tall my table would be once I added the "base" which is really just the table top from the 2nd table.

And cue "awe son of a..." it was too short, by like three inches. Yes, I'm sure I could have avoided this frustration had I actually measured everything before I went to Ikea, but that would make sense and I'm not all about that. I'm all about just buying something and then trying to find a way to Polish rig the SOB into working. So I sat down on my couch and pondered "how can I get this to be taller without taking away from the boxy look?

:Ding: I figured it out. I was super excited when I figured out the way to give my table a little bit of a lift without taking away from the cube look. I was very excited to say the least. (I can neither confirm nor deny I was doing the "Carlton" when I figured out how to fix my raising issue.)

Next on our agenda was to put the tables together more securely (read: fight with T over gluing the legs onto the "bases" and trying to get everything to line up when you are dealing with a cheaper brand table where nothing is lining up correctly.) There was four letter words flying, I might have told T I wanted to punch him in the face followed by him laughing hysterically at me as I vigorously washed my hands to get the glue off only for him to remind me the glue was water activated. Thanks hun, that information would have been more useful to me PRIOR to washing my hands!

We let the glue set for the required amount of time and once my timer "dinged" I set out to set the tables in their respective areas. I will admit, I was ridiculously excited as T was moving the old tables and replacing with the new tables. Adding the white tables completely changed the look of the room making it more "mod" than it was before. We both love the straight, simple lines and the brightness of the white as opposed to the dark wood we had before. However, once we put the tables into place and added our new Ikea lights, a little vintage art and vase I realized how much I LOATHE my wood blinds and want to light them on fire. I think the next DIY task will be replacing them!

So the big question is how did we raise them up without affecting the box look? It's so simple....

Yep, we just glued 2 of the extra legs to the bottom of the "base." We made sure to put them close enough to the center to keep them from being seen, giving the table almost a floating effect, but also close enough to the outside to keep the table stable.

I was actually really surprised that I hadn't seen this done yet. I've seen people basically stack the tables on top of one another and just cut the bottom tables legs to 2-3 inches, but to me that completely takes away from the box look we were going for.

Now that the tables are in their spots and I've had a couple hours to stare at them I can honestly say I LOVE them! They are exactly what we wanted and the total cost completely rocked our world without breaking our budget. This project has definitely thrown some fuel on our DIY fire.

Total Cost: $32.00 for 2 side tables!

168 Days...

Or 5 months, 2 weeks & 2 days depending on how you countdown.

Yet another trip update for you. You might as well get used to them because the closer we get the more there will be! Can you blame me though? This trip is epic!

This morning T and I were talking about the trip and made the decision that an interior room is just not us, so we upgraded to a balcony room! Woot!! The decision was actually made very easy since Royal Caribbean has this "Guarantee Price." Basically what it means is you book a room, but don't get to pick the level or side of the boat, etc. Instead they see what rooms need to be filled and put you where they have openings, which could also be the more upgraded room for no extra cost. Since we just want a balcony room and don't care which one, this was the way for us to go. Not to mention it will help with the clothesline situation.

Now before you roll your eyes and say we're crazy, allow me to explain. We're going on a 16 day trip with only a backpack and duffel bag each so it's not like I can take 16 days worth of clothes. We're going to have to pack lightly and wash what we can, mostly our undergarments and light clothes. Obviously our jeans and heavier items will be sent to the main laundry on the boat, but at $4.00 a pair of jeans and $2.00 a shirt it can add up quite quickly. Not to mention the idea of some stranger touching my panties freaks me out. Yes, that's the germaphob coming out in me, but eh, I'll take it.

This weekend we're also probably going to book our Colosseum tour. It's a 10 person tour so we need to secure our places because it would SUCK to miss out on this one. We're planning on doing the 8:30 am one so we can go down into the dungeons and see as much as possible. Next up will probably be booking more of our excursions and of course the catacombs tour. I also found this nighttime tour that would be a lot of fun! Since we've added everything else to this trip might as well right?

After everything is booked and paid for it's time to save fun money and buy clothes for this trip. I don't have a lot of light easy to pack type of clothing. In fact, I don't really have any clothing that fits. Damn losing weight. I'll have to buy a new wardrobe, thank goodness for Old Navy. It'll be fun to buy new clothes especially for the trip. You know what, I think I've decided the best part of a trip isn't so much the actual trip, but all the planning that goes into it. Having something to look forward to and get your focus off your job stress, family stress or in our situation, TTCAL stress. This break was definitely welcomed.

Didn’t See That Coming…

Well, Dr. Awesome’s office finally called me back today and left me speechless. As I already knew, my HSG was good and “normal.” Then came time for T’s SA results. I braced for bad news impact. I was sitting down and had tissues close by in the event a total breakdown ensued.

Normal. Umm, yeah, didn’t see that coming.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m psyched his results were normal. I’m psyched that we don’t have yet another thing to tack on to this already frustrating mess. I am though, caught between relief and frustration. If there is nothing else wrong with me physically and T’s boys check out good, then why haven’t we gotten pregnant again? Like Dr. Awesome said, my Clomid cycles were “textbook” and our timing was awesome. So why didn’t it happen? These results sort of just left me with additional questions. If it’s not him, then obviously there has to be something else wrong with me.

I’m calling back tomorrow to schedule my follow up appointment with Dr. Awesome to go over the results and find out where we go from here. I know T and I are taking a medication break until after our trip to Europe, but I need to find out if my cervix is our issue here. He can put me on a thousand different medications, but if the boys can’t get in then it won’t help at all. I keep thinking about my HSG and what a difficult time she had getting the catheter in. She finally did, but what if there is something blocking. Do we need to look at that a little more closely? I’ll leave that up to Dr. Awesome to decide.

Despite being frustrated with the “wtf else could it be” situation, I’m really relieved that it isn’t with T. Maybe we actually do have a chance of having a baby w/o the assistance of an RE. That would be epic!

Waiting and waiting and waiting...

WTF Dr. Awesome?! I called his office this am for my results hoping that I would get the results this afternoon, but NOPE. No call back. NOTHING! I'm losing my flipping mind here. We're 1 week post HSG & SA and still no results. Exactly how long do they expect me to hold on before I lose my ever loving sanity? Because I'm close. Like real close!

In other news I was able to catch my LH surge this month despite only having 8 OPK's to my name. See, this is what I get for not being psycho about my cycles. I didn't realize that I was short on OPK's until I needed to start using them. Go figure right? At least I've got enough experience with OPK's to not waste them. Now I wait for my temp to spike so we can see how long this LP will be.

On the DIY front, I'm heading to my favorite place on earth this Saturday...IKEA! I have a couple DIY projects up my sleeve, well a lot, but a couple I want to kick out this weekend. My DIY hopes are to kick out our side tables, hang the longer shelves in the dining room and do my table lamps, plus do my key shadow box frame for the key center.

Now onto the trip, we've decided to say screw the luggage and go with duffel bags. Since we're doing so much public transportation we don't want to have to deal with big luggage and wheels. This way we can wear our backpacks, put our duffel bags over our shoulder and be little pack mules. Now just to find good sturdy duffel bags that can survive the luggage compartment of the plane.

Operation De-Whale: Week 2

Weekly Lost: -4.4 pounds (Goal: -2 pounds)
Total Lost: -6 pounds (Goal: -5 pounds)
Days Worked Out: 2/4

Another week down so time to check in.

I am very pleased with my weekly weight loss, but I suspect that the whole 4 pounds thing is a fluke and I'm sure by next week we'll be back to a snail's pace. I did do a lot better this past week with eating, although my working out left something to be desired. In my defense though, the end of last week SUCKED! Wednesday was a freebie given my HSG. Thursday we got home and found a letter from the IRS that said we owed $39k because some stupid company reported they paid us $90k when in reality it was $900. Awesome right? Then Friday we had a meeting with our tax guy to go over it. So even though I didn't physically work out, lord knows my heart rate got way the hell up there so I'm sure it burned calories right?

Here's to hoping that I'm able to keep this up. I know once I hit the 15 pound mark it will be a LOT easier to stick to this. It's just hard to get to that point.

SA & HSG...Check & Check!

Let me preface this by saying I'm going to be honest in this post, so if you don't want to hear the nitty gritty details then I would skip this. You've been warned.

Lets start with T's SA. I'll be honest, I went into this with a totally different picture in my head than the reality was. I pictured a dimly lit room, a big soft chair in the middle, maybe some aromatherapy candles and a little Barry White playing in the background. It was a bathroom. A BATHROOM. I thought it was a little sketchy being at a LabCorp, but holy mother of the fertility gods that was ridic! The awkward part was that there was another gentleman there for the same thing. He went into the bathroom, did his deed, came out and the lab guy was like "okay T, go ahead." I'm kind of pissed at A Smile Like Yours because the room in that movie set the bar that LabCorp just couldn't live up to.

Next up was my HSG. Now this office was exactly what I thought it would be. Very nice, warm people, beautifully decorated. Had super comfy chairs in the waiting room and had this awesome undress rooms. Yes, they had a specific room to remove your clothing and put on your gown. It was wicked. The room that I had my HSG in was a bit more sterile than the other rooms, but that's to be expected. Thankfully the tech and the radiologist woman were very nice and did their best to help me relax while explaining the process. It was nerve wracking to say the least. I mean, there I was laying on this hard metal table with this ginormous x-ray like thing above it that they use to watch the dye.

The procedure itself was uncomfortable, literally. First up they completely paint your nether regions with iodine to make sure you are clean and such, then they insert this lovely little catheter INTO your cervix, inflate this little bubble and fill you up with dye. Fun, fun, fun. The best part, she had a lot of issues getting the catheter in. She mentioned something to the effect that she thinks there might be scar tissue on my cervix from my cold knife cone procedure. It ultimately took her about 15 minutes and two different catheters to get things going. The dye part was nothing compared to the placement of the catheter.

The test went very fast and it was pretty cool to watch it on the screen, despite my not knowing what I was looking at. We did see that my uterus is slightly tilted to the left (already knew that) and the good part, both tubes are completely open. The dye just rushed right through them bad boys and the radiologist said "Perfect! Exactly what we want!" She'll get the complete report to my doc in a few days, but I'm relieved that she at least gave me the thumbs up right there.

There has been some cramping since the procedure, but thankfully at 5 hours out I'm feeling almost 100% normal. I'm guessing by tomorrow I'll feel like me again and thank god, just in time to start obsessing over OPK's. We have to wait for T's SA results, but my doc said they usually get them pretty fast so hopefully we hear something soon. Now we wait...ah, the good old never ending waiting.

Operation De-Whale: Week 1

Weekly Lost: -1.6 pounds (Goal: -2 pounds)
Total Lost: -1.6 pounds (Goal: -2 pounds)
Days Worked Out: 4/5

Today marks week 2, day 1 of operation de-whale and I’m back on the horse after a slight fall. Even though my weight lost isn’t super impressive, I am pleased considering the fact I ate terrible all weekend long. I’m not talking one meal; I’m literally talking the entire weekend. I had a skillet at Village Inn, Mexican food, gummy bears. It was awful. So today I’m back on the horse.

I also decided to modify my work out plans. The Couch 2 5K thing just isn’t working for me. I don’t like it, I don’t like having to keep track of how far I’m running and how far I’m walking, it’s frustrating, annoying and I’m so over it. The new plan is to aim for a certain distance in a certain time. 30 minutes is my cut off (including a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down). That way if I can’t run for exactly 90 seconds I’m not kicking my own ass. I also didn’t do any of the 30 Day Shred last week, but on Thursday (a day I was supposed to) I did still get on the treadmill, so kudos to me there. This week will be different. Hopefully.

The new work out plan is as follows:

Week 2 – 4:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/walk 1.5 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: 30 Day Shred, Level 1
Week 5 – 8:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/walk 1.75 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: 30 Day Shred, Level 2
Week 9 – 12:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/walk 2.0 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: 30 Day Shred, Level 3
Week 13 – 16:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/Walk 2.25 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: To be determined work out DVD
Week 17 – 20:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/Walk 2.5 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: To be determined work out DVD
Week 21 – 24:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/Walk 2.75 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: To be determined work out DVD
Week 25 – 27:
Mon, Wed & Fri: Run/Walk 3.0 miles in 30 minutes
Tues & Thurs: To be determined work out DVD

180 Days...

We are now officially less than 6 months away from our trip to Europe! I'm not at the "OMFG we're going to EUROPE" stage yet, but definitely getting there. Tonight we took another big step and paid off our cruise completely and booked our Egypt excursion. By far the most exciting task we've accomplished in regards to this trip. Sure, booking airfare was exciting, but for some reason booking an excursion makes it real. Almost like a confirmation that yes, you ARE going to Egypt! I cannot wait to see the pyramids and ride the Nile. It's almost too good to be true to think that we will actually be going to the place at the top of my bucket list. I won't lie, I might cry.

Speaking of the trip, I've added to my agenda to buy new luggage. Not a cheap task by any means, but when I started really thinking about this trip and doing research, we need lighter luggage! All of our traveling around Rome and to our port in Civitavecchia (where the boat leaves) is done via public transportation and then in Civitavecchia, we have to walk 4 blocks on cobblestones to get to the place where the shuttle picks up. The idea of lugging my heavy ass bags makes my arms hurt. Not to mention we have to take into consideration the weight restrictions on planes. My current luggage is heavy and that just won't work.

I'm sure buying luggage will thrill T. Especially since our trip just keeps costing more and more. The problem is we are finding all these awesome tours in Rome and while they are expensive, we just keep saying "how often do we go to Rome?" Yeah, well, our initial $250 for Rome on our own has rapidly approached $1,000 with all the tours. Our Colosseum tour alone is $120 per person! In my defense though, it includes the dungeons which will be amazing to see. The upgraded tour allows you to walk the same paths that the gladiators did when they were getting ready for a fight. I mean, amazing! It'll be worth it. All the sacrifices we're making now and skipping out on eating out, etc, will be well worth it when we go on this trip.

Finalize decision about trip
Put deposit on cruise
Put in for vacation
Put in for vacation (T)
Pay remaining balance of cruise
Book airfare
Sign up for shore excursions
  Egypt
  Israel
  Greece
  Naples
Book hotel for days before cruise & after
Make sure vaccines up to date
Get visas for required countries
Get all US Embassy info for each country
Get new luggage

HSG & SA Scheduled

Well, got the call yesterday from the imaging place. They had received the orders from my doc and wanted to schedule my HSG. Of course the woman asks what day is good for me. I respond only to have her tell me “well, we only do them between 2 pm and 3 pm and they have to be done between these cycle days.” Okay, so the point of asking me was what exactly? Anyway, the HSG is scheduled for April 11th at 2:30 pm. T’s SA will be done that morning. In between we are planning to have lunch and just putz around since they are both on the East side and I live on the West side.

I’m going into this with a rational mind. Everyone is telling me to keep positive and wish for the best, but that has not proven to help me in the past. I’m going into this with the thought that they will find something wrong with either T or additional issues with me. At least this way when they tell us I won’t feel like the oxygen was sucked from the room. If we get good news, then it will be that much more exciting because we were expecting bad. At this point negative mojo isn’t going to affect the outcome of the tests.

We are hoping to get the results either Thursday or Friday. In theory I will know the day of my HSG if they see anything bad/blocked. T’s SA results should be back with my doc’s office on Thursday and hopefully they will call us that day, but worst case scenario Friday we will know if we are being shipped off to an RE. I have mixed feelings about an RE. Part of me wants to go to one because this is their job. They focus solely on getting the pregnancy to happen. They know the tests to run, the meds to give, the procedures to do. Not that Dr. Awesome hasn’t been amazing. I mean, he’s been the best OB I’ve ever had, but even he said he just doesn’t have the resources available that we might need. Then of course there is the dread that we will actually be sent to one. It’s like driving that final nail into the coffin that we will not have children on our own.

T and I have somewhat started the talks about adoption. It’s something we’ve both always been open to, but now we’re actually starting to put some serious thought into it. I think we’ve both pretty much decided on international adoption for us. I know it’s expensive and has its share of hurdles, but that’s just what feels right for us. We’ve talked about maybe Poland seems we’re both of Polish decent. China is also on the table. I’m not thrilled about going to Asia, but if my child is there then so be it. No decisions have been made and we’re in the very early discussion phase. Should it turn out that biological children are not in our cards, we will need time to grieve that loss before we can shift our focus to adoption. I’m just relieved to know that should it come to that, T is right there with me.

Operation De-Whale

One of my goals for 2012 was to lose an additional 30 pounds. Ha! I’m aiming for 48! Well, was originally 40, but then I feel hardcore off the wagon and gained 10 pounds, 2 of which I’ve already lost so have to re-lose those other 8…again! Yes, that would be the same 8 I gained over the holidays. So for those of you keeping track, this will be the second time I have to re-lose those 8. Flippin’ A.

Anyway, with our trip SLOWLY approaching I want to shed these last 48 to not only hit my goal, but surpass it. I’m sure I can accomplish this. I roughly have 27 weeks (holy god that’s long) to do this. By my calculations that means I have to lose just shy of 2 pounds a week. I’ve got this. Usually my body sheds a good 3-4 the first couple weeks then slows to an impossible crawl so it should happen.

Why do I want to lose this weight? For starters, being overweight isn’t healthy. That’s a given. With my family history of diabetes and high blood pressure, I’ve got to get this in check now so I can live a long and healthy life. Next up is the obvious kid reason. Since our journey looks to be taking a turn towards infertility treatments, I want to make sure I’m in tip top shape for them. Granted they won’t even be considered (if needed) until at least 2013, but I still want to be healthy. My last, and by far my most vain reason, I want to look nicer and wear cuter clothes. I’ve been on this overweight train for far too long and I want to get off it. I want to wear cute short skirts and skinny jeans with knee high boots. I want to be able to go to H&M and try on all the cute stuff and not feel like I look like a whale. I want to look nice for my trip! I would love to be able to rock a tankini (sorry ladies, I have the opinion that ladies over a certain age shouldn’t rock the bikini regardless of their figure.)
The game plan?

Eat better. Work out. Pretty simple and straight forward. I’m tracking my food through myfitnesspal and will be doing my own work out that I’ve created. It’s a combination of a couple of things really. Couch to 5 k (need to build up that stamina for our hike of Vesuvius) and 30 Day Shred/Yoga Meltdown (to tone the flab.) My goal is to work out 5 days a week. 3 being dedicated to the C25K program and the other 2 to the 30DS or YM. Saturday is my off day to craft with my mom and Sundays are my cleaning day so I figure I burn enough calories on that day anyway.

This marks week one and so far I’m doing okay. Not great, but okay. Monday I stuck to my diet really well and did my run. Tuesday I was doing great until I had my meltdown and subsequently skipped working out and ate Burger King! Today, I’m back on that horse though. I’ve eaten very good today and instead of going home and eating mac and cheese (my god does that sound good) I’m going to do my run and eat my cereal.  

I will admit that keeping my focus is a lot harder this time than it was last time. Last time I had the killer motivation of trying to lose more lb’s before we try to get pregnant. Now that we’re stuck in this limbo, I just can’t seem to kick my butt into gear. In an effort to keep me focused, I’m setting small goals for myself.

Goal #1: 5/1/12 -10 lbs
Goal #2: 5/29/12 -18 lbs
Goal #3: 6/26/12 -25 lbs
Goal #4: 7/24/12 -32 lbs
Goal #5: 8/21/12 -38 lbs
Goal #6: 9/18/12 -44 lbs
Goal #7: 10/6/12 -48 lbs

Hopefully this will keep me focused and motivated. I plan on checking in (hopefully) on a weekly basis to keep myself accountable for this. The best way to accomplish something is to hold yourself accountable right? I also plan to check in about our fertility situation once we know more. Right now, we don’t know much other than my body sucks. I also have a few DIY projects up my sleeve, in addition to the one’s we’ve knocked out already! Stay tuned!