Books and Stuff

We got the other 2 adoption books we ordered this weekend. I was very excited to see that box sitting on my counter when I came home. Now to start the never ending reading that is about to take place. We have quite a list of adoption books that we are adding to our "to read" list so I need to get this party started. I'm hoping to at least finish You Can Adopt before our meeting with the agency on the 16th.

Speaking of the meeting, T talked to a co-worker of his about adoption (M has adopted 2 children) and M gave us the name of his agency and little overview of how his adoptions went. He offered to sit down with us and go over everything and answer any questions we might have. It's nice to actually know someone who has done this already because it makes this feel a little less scary. Like it is possible. So we have another agency that we can check out. I plan on speaking with multiple agencies to find one that we feel fits us and our needs.

We are also looking into an adoption lawyer. Great thing about working in the field I do I get attorney recommendations for pretty much anything. This recommendation came through my mom from someone she works with. It's great to have those connections. So we plan on calling this office to at least get a consult about their practice and what not. We're definitely moving in the right direction on this.

After much talking, we have decided to try at least one more time. If the pregnancy is to end in a loss, then we're done. Three seems to be like a good stopping point. We still plan on pursuing the adoption because at some point we will be adopting so we might as well get the process underway. We talked about it a lot and this just feels right for us right now. Of course it's subject to change. Like anything.

I need to make an appointment with Doc to talk about trying again and get a game plan on possible pregnancy #3. We're not putting all our eggs in this basket though, adoption is still our main focus.

We've Got A Meeting

With the adoption agency on March 16th!! It's their public information meeting and it was recommended by the agency director to attend. She said it's a good starting point because they also have other families adopting attending and have families who have adopted there. So we can speak with them and get their experience and such. We'll also get all the information paperwork about their prices and the process and such. Afterwards we'll have our one on one with the agency.

We're feeling excited and a little scared. This is all new uncharted territory for us and it's a little unnerving, but we're still excited.

:deep breaths:

I made an Amazon.com purchase after some serious discussions with T over the past couple of days. Want a hint?

It's one of 3 books that were purchased about the same topic, but this one is extra special. It's the first purchase we've made for our future child.

We have decided we're done pursuing biological children and putting our focus into expanding our family through adoption. If a pregnancy is to happen, okay we'll adjust, but we're not holding our breath. 2013 will be spent focusing on paying off debts (boy is adoption expensive!) and getting the house ready on top of getting emotionally ready.

We're very excited about this new path!

Blah, Just Blah

Do you ever feel like everything just goes wrong in your life? I mean, just one thing after another? Yep, that pretty much sums up our life right now.

Of course my body sucks (well at least it's consistent on sucking) and I only had an 8 day LP. So big fuck you to my uterus. Then T and I both got sicker than a freaking dog. I never call in sick to work and I've had to call in sick twice both times during my AF because I was sick on top of it.

T also didn't get the position he was interviewing for. Yep, right now I'm just one big ball of fuck you universe for not letting a single damn thing go right. I don't get it either. I thought people who work hard and do things "right" get rewarded, not constantly get the finger from karma. I just don't understand who I have pissed off.

All Over The Place

Excuse this mess of a post. It's going to be all over the place, sort of like my mind right now.

Therapy
Had my appointment with my therapist on Thursday. It was like a therapy appointment is supposed to be. Emotional and makes you question how it's actually going to help. You get to rehash all the crap that makes you sad and have someone call you out on your crap. I know in the end it will help me because she truly is a great therapist and knows what's ultimately my issue, my insane need to have constant control. I just keep telling myself that you have to get through the storm to get to the rainbow.

Ovulation

Much to my surprise I have ovulated already. I actually ovulated slightly earlier than normal which I'm not holding my breath to be my new normal. I O'd on CD17 which is 2 days earlier. I'm mostly surprise just because my first cycle post loss last time was awful and I didn't O until CD27. To do it so early this month was just shocking to me is all.

Now is the ridiculous wait to see how long my LP will be. I'm hoping for at least a 10. I know, I know, that's asking for a lot all things considered, but I really hope that if there is any good that can come out of this it'll be that my LP got longer. At least in double digits. We'll see.


Wow

Have you ever had something happen that leaves you speechless and going "I cannot believe people like this actually exist"? That was me this morning. I checked my mailbox and I was completely surprised to find a box from a wonderful person I've gotten to know through the boards, Jenn. I waited until T was awake and we opened the box together. I lost it. In a good way.

Her gift was so incredibly generous and touched me is a such a way. I never imagined when I joined the boards the real life friendships that would be formed. Today I consider myself very lucky and incredibly blessed to have Jenn in my life and to be able to call her a friend. Her gift reminded me that even though I feel like I'm missing so much, I still have so many wonderful things and people in my life. Jenn, thank you so much for betting a wonderful person and for making me smile.