SPAWN!! After the thousands of tears and prayers, we learned that our "blighted ovum" is actually our healthy baby! I had my f/u u/s today that was supposed to be the confirmation of my diagnosis, but to everyone's shock, the u/s found our little one. Truly the most amazing moment of my life!
The u/s started off less than stellar, which sucked. The tech was incredibly nice and he started with the abdominal portion first. He was able to see the gestational sac, but could not see the baby. I became choked up, but he remained optimistic. So he moved onto the transvaginal u/s. I couldn't even look at the screen. I just stared at the ceiling while he began the u/s and the nurse next to me offered her reassuring smiles. Finally what felt like a lifetime later, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, the tech said "Here, look at this," so I looked at teh screen. He was pointing to a little speck on the u/s and said "do you know what that is?" I replied with "No." He smiled and said "That's your baby!" I immediately burst into tears.
The rest of the u/s was a blur at that point. I couldn't stop crying and kept apologizing over and over again. I do remember saying "I'm sorry, it's just been a really stressful 10 days." The nurse was very sweet and kept telling me I had no reason to apologize, that I was allowed to cry and be happy and relieved. The good news didn't stop at just finding out Spawn is indeed growing. The tech was not only able to find the heart beat, he was able to zoom in enough for us to hear it! Our little one has a healthy heart rate of 117bpm (beats per minute).
After taking his measurements and being kind enough to print me out 5 pictures, the tech advised the u/s was over and to get dressed. I met him and the nurse in the hallway to discuss where we go from here. I am going to go in again on 3/29, which was my original doctor's appointment. My doc will do another u/s to confirm Spawn's growth and from there I join the ranks of "normal" pregnant women going only 1 a month until my last month.
After the initial excitment, total crippling fear set in. All I could think about is how far I should be based on when I got my BFP and how low my #'s were. I asked the tech if it was bad that I'm only measuring 5w6d instead of 7w1d where my LMP puts me. I was mid sentence when he put his hand up and said "I'm going to stop you right there. You need to stop worrying about what has happened up to this point. When you got your positive and your #'s don't mean anything at this point. All that matters is you have a healthy growing baby inside you who is measuring beautifully and has a healthy heart rate." I really liked him.
On my way out I couldn't wipe the smile off my face and it was obvious that I had been crying. The very sweet receptionists both looked at me and said "Well?" I smiled and said "See you guys on the 29th" and showed my u/s pictures. They both smiled and the schedule lady said "See you then!"
To say we are excited is an understatement. Now that we've seen the heartbeat my chances of miscarriage go down to about 13% and I now only have the normal fear lingering over my head. I feel like a huge weight was taken off my chest and now I can breathe again. The tears that fall from my eyes are for relief and excitement, not fear and sadness. My entire world has totally changed, again, and I'm in love with absolutely EVERY second of it.
Spawn, I love you more than words can describe. To see your heartbeat today brought a joy to my heart that I never knew existed. There are not many things in this world that I am sure of anymore, but there is ONE thing I know for sure and that is your mommy & daddy love you so much and we will move heaven on earth to make sure you stay safe. So snuggle up little one, we're in this for the long haul!
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