7w1d: Deep breaths, deep breaths...

Pregnancy symptoms can come and go. It happens in a normal pregnancy. It happens in an abnormal pregnancy. It's not a sign of something or nothing. I know this.

It doesn't matter though. When I woke up this morning my heart sank and immediately every fiber went to worse case scenario. My boobs didn't hurt. My stomach wasn't churning. My stomach didn't seem as bloated and the cramps were ever present. Shit.

I've held my breath every time I've gone to the bathroom today. Hoping and praying there is no spotting and so far we've been lucky. The cramps are throwing my mojo though. Between the lack of symptoms and the cramping I'm freaking out.

I keep telling myself that I'm psyching myself out. This is an emotional week for us in general considering it's the week we lost Spawn and we still have 10 days until our appointment. I'm telling myself that things have been different this go around. I never got sick last time. I never really had anything last time.

I know that I really have no real reason to be freaking out. The cramping hasn't been painful and since I've had a natural m/c before I know what those cramps feel like. There hasn't been any spotting and symptoms don't really say much anyway, but I just can't shake this stupid feeling that's something isn't right.

I really hope that when we have our appointment we will get reassurance and see a healthy baby in there with a healthy heartbeat and I'll look back on this and roll my eyes at my ridiculous worries. I hope that this time next year I'm reading this while bouncing a healthy baby on my lap telling him/her how nuts mommy got during her pregnancy because she wanted him/her so badly. I hope that Offspring is our rainbow baby.