6w5d: So Frustrated

I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown right now because I’m so frustrated. Why the hell is it so hard for doctor’s offices to, oh I don’t know, do their freaking job?!

Monday I called my midwife’s office, same lady I saw before who works with Dr. Awesome. I reminded them that my Crinone will be out as of Wednesday and I need my refill, and casually asked about my u/s. Imagine my shock when the chick tells me I don’t get one until 20 weeks. WTF?! I kept my cool though. I calmly told her that I spoke with Lynnette about this and she agreed that I’d need an u/s at my appointment to ensure that everything is progressing as it should so we can make a game plan. She said she’d get with the midwife and someone would call me back.

Lynnette called me back. First, I had to tell her what supplement I was on. Really?! You couldn’t just grab my damn chart and take a look? Then I had to tell her how much and how often and how many refills I would need. Who’s the flucking medical professional here? Then she tells me that no one scheduled my u/s and I might not be able to get in until after the first of the year when I’m already in my 2nd trimester. Not working for me. I explained to her the conversation we had, I went over everything, again, and she said she would speak with the tech and get back to me about when they can get me in.

This morning I still had not heard back. I’m a firm believer in taking control of your own life so once I realized my script still hadn’t been called in I called the office again. Left another message about my Crinone being out TOMORROW and needing it ASAP. I also mentioned, again, I need to know what they figured out about my u/s. That was at 10 am. Never heard back. As of this evening still no script for Crinone called in.

I’m beside myself right now. I’m exactly 1 week out from the point at which I lost Spawn. So obviously I’m a hot mess with fear and then they add this on top of it. Crinone isn’t exactly something the pharmacy keeps on hand so they have to have at least 1 day notice to order it. That means today was my last shot to get the freaking meds before I’m out. As in out out not supplementing the very hormone that failed and cost me my pregnancy last time.

I don’t want to be that patient. I don’t want to be the difficult pain in the ass patient who drives everyone nuts, but on the same token I’m not going to be that naïve patient who puts everything into the medical professionals just to lose it all. It just upsets me that here I thought this woman got it. I can’t see Dr. Awesome so she seemed like a really awesome back up plan. I really thought she understood my fears and my personal situation and would tailor my treatment to that. Apparently being a midwife she looks at everything with goggles on and puts everyone into the same “you’re fine and don’t need anything until much later” category. I’m done.