Tomorrow

My D&C is scheduled for tomorrow. So that means that by this time tomorrow night all traces of the baby that we wanted so badly will be gone and that tears my heart out. All this week I kept saying how I just want this to be over. I just want to move forward and focus on the future. Tonight, my heart is breaking.

I had my pre-op appointment with the OB who will be doing my D&C. I never met her before today since she's not my OB, but since she's the "on call" doc tomorrow she's the one doing it. We went over the game plan for tomorrow. She told me what to expect and all that jazz. She seems competent and attentive. She answered my questions and scheduled my follow up appointment for 2 weeks from now (damn holidays!)

I did make a pre-op purchase this evening. Two stained glass votive holders. They are angels and the guy will be doing them in the birthstones for Spawn and Offspring. I might get some ornaments too, but tonight I just had to buy these. They spoke to me and I want something to display always to remember our babes. Not to mention I love the idea of the candles. I like being able to light them and watch the light flicker from behind the stained glass. Will always remind me that at one point those babes had beating hearts.

Offspring, this is our last night together. Though your little heart stopped beating 2 weeks ago, the idea that tomorrow you will no longer be with me physically is killing me. Please know that we love you with everything that we have. You and Spawn will always be in our hearts and always on our minds. We love you babes, to the moon and back!