I know I’ve been slacking on the blog front and it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I literally have nothing interesting to blog about. Right now we’re in this holding pattern waiting to see the doc and I can only blog about those feelings so many times. It’s a broken record really.
Right now T and I are focusing on a few other things. First and foremost, painting our house. We still have the sterile white walls that were painted before we moved in. I hate white. T loves white. It’s been fun honestly. So after fight after fight about color, we opted to choose a lack of color if you will, gray. Then of course, that started another never ending cycle of arguments because we couldn’t agree on a shade. [The day T and I agree on stuff will definitely signal the apocalypse.] So we both picked one that we liked and one that was in between. We got the three samples from Home Depot and painted them little bad boys on our wall. In an effort to try to be fair, I facebooked a picture. I wanted non-biased opinions on which color was better and I even made sure not to note who liked what. We both lost. Everyone chose the in between color. So that’s our winner.
Aside from paint, I am focusing on other house stuff. Moving stuff around, adding some knick knacks. I think I’m just trying to keep my mind off the whole situation. It’s working too. I am now obsessing over paint colors and floor samples instead of my cycles. I’m doing massive research about DIY projects and not about babies. It’s been a nice break to be honest. I’ve been so hard wired about this baby thing that I completely forgot to think about anything other than it. I hate to admit it, but I totally became that woman who obsesses about babies and getting pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely want that more than anything, but I also need to try to accept the fact that it may not work that way. I may get pregnant again and have no problems. I may get pregnant again and not be able to carry. I have absolutely no control over this and I think I’ve finally accepted that. All I can really do is give it my best effort by getting healthy and tracking my cycles, but pretty much 90% is out of my hands.
Emotionally, I’m in a better place. I’ve cried, believe me. I’ve cried countless times and there have been some really dark places, but recently, I’ve just moved forward. There wasn’t really any sort of huge moment that changed my mind. I think I just finally realized that by focusing so much on what I don’t have, I’m not giving any attention to the stuff I do have. I have a wonderful husband. A beautiful home. Two crazy wonderful dogs. A cat that drives me batty, but wouldn’t change her anyway. A good job that I actually like. A great family that also drives me batty, but I wouldn’t want them any other way. Friends that make me giggle and smile.
When I actually take a step back and look at all the wonderful things and people I do have in my life, I wouldn’t want it to be any different.
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