Tuesday would have marked my 20th week of pregnancy. It would have marked the halfway point and we would most likely have known if we were expecting a little boy or a little girl. We would probably be freaking out thinking "holy hell, we're halfway there."
We're not though. I'm halfway (??) through my 2nd post loss cycle and we are discussing when we should start trying again. I'm not sure where I'm at emotionally at this point. So many days I am back to myself. I'm laughing and joking and being horribly sarcastic. Then randomly I will have one of those days that brings me to my knees and reminds me exactly how much my loss really hurts. On a random day I will find myself touching my stomach and I have to remind myself, there is no baby in there. My uterus is, as it has been for far too long, empty.
Coincidently enough, T and I had the "talk." The "when do you want to start trying, if again, to have a baby." We both pretty much are in the same place, hell if I know. For now I am content to just focus on getting healthier and paying off some debts, maybe even focus on some home imporvements more. I know that when the time is right, we will know and there will be no questioning that it's time. That time, is just not right now and I'm okay with that.
Spawn, I love you my sweet baby, to the moon and back!
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