Remember when I said a few posts back that I was trying to give up swearing? Fuck that! I'm so pissed right now that there is no way I can "eff" my way through this one.
Body, WTF is that?! Seriously?!?! A 7 day LP?! No really, are you fucking kidding me?! I wasn't greedy. I didn't ask for 12 or 14 days, I asked for 11. For ONE more day to be added this cycle and you took away THREE?! 7 days, fuck, why not just make my ass anovulatory again and just call it golden. At least that way I don't have yet another thing to worry about.
I said last cycle that I was going to call my doctor because I was concerned about my LP, but then I thought it was the first cycle after our loss so I should give my body another chance. I was hopeful that getting pregnant had jumped started my ovaries and that I would start ovulating on my own and when I did again this cycle I was so ecstatic! Then this......My reproductive life has been reduced to acronyms so what's another one right?! This puts me up to 3 acronyms now!
1. PCOS
2. DUB
3. LPD
If you are opening a second window browser right now to google what those stand for, then consider yourself seriously lucky because those freaking acronyms right there cause me some serious frustration and massive heartache! I am just over this whole thing, seriously. Having a baby shouldn't be this hard! Why is it thousands of irresponsible crack heads get pregnant and give birth everyday and yet my body just cannot do it?! I'm ready! WE'RE ready! We did everything "right." We got married, bought a home, got secure in our jobs, saved money, paid off debts, but here we are....
I wanted to wait 1 more cycle because I wanted to, not because my body has just yet another thing it can't get right. Thank god I wanted to wait another cycle because if I was ready to go and excited about TTC again this would have literally killed me. I have been busting my ass working out and eating way better to lose weight to help with issue number 1 and I was excited because I was doing so well. I'm over 20 pounds down now and I wanted to add a few more this month. Now I just want to throw my scale out the window and say "Fuck it" because sure, while I did ovulate, there is NO guarantee that the egg was mature enough and what is the point in ovulating if that egg isn't ready and healthy enough to support life?!
Alright, rant over. I'm not going to allow this to consume me. I'm not going to put on depressing music and cry because that's not how I want to be. I'm going to allow myself to have an "off" day tomorrow and eat whatever I want and not totally scrutinize it. Then Monday I'm going to continue my diet and working out and I AM going to call my doctor and let her know it's time to get serious and figure out WTF my body is really doing. Body, it's on.....like Donkey Kong!
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