I Call Bullshit

 *Rated PG-13 due to strong language. Viewer discretion is advised.

Have you ever heard the saying “You can’t control others, but you can control you?” Well I have, A LOT and I’m calling bullshit on that statement. I have no more control over me than I do someone else.

So I got to thinking about all these dumb phrases that I, and millions of other couples battling infertility have been subjected to. I’m sure even you are guilty of saying them at times and even though I smile and nod my head, inside my mind I’m literally pummeling you and shoving those very words down your throat. Hostile? Yeah, but then again I’ve never said I wasn’t. Some of my favorites are:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
- Really? So you want to tell me that reason? Yeah cause unless you can actually give me the reason, I don’t need to hear that saying. It’s a dumb saying with no answer really because we will NEVER know why things played out the way they did. You’re not Socrates so stop trying to put your wisdom out there in the world.

“Just relax”
- Okay, this one literally makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. For those of you who aren’t schooled in the world of reproduction like those of us who are like in graduate school on it let me tell you that relaxing has NOTHING to do with how this works. Reproduction is a fine dance of hormones and timing. My hormones are whacked. No amount of relaxing is going to reverse that and correct the issue. Medications and tracking and following my cycle like a psychotic scientist on a mission will.

“Your time will come”
- Yeah, another one I hate. Much like the first one, unless you can tell me when that time will be, just shut it.

“You just have to stay positive”
- Who made this one up? I’d like to know because I want to put a flaming bag of dog shit on their front door and see how positive they can stay. Pretty much like ANYTHING in life, after time you begin to lose hope and you begin to loose that Pollyanna attitude. I’ve seen more negative pregnancy tests than a Crisis Pregnancy Center. Trying to conceive with infertility is much like running a marathon with a 50 pound weight on your back watching all these assholes run past you looking all calm and collected gently hydrating themselves with their camelpack. You smile and nod when in reality you want to trip one of those people, kick dirt in their eyes, steal their water and throw your weight on their shoulders. Sure I’ll eventually get to that finish line, but my hair will be disheveled, sweat pouring off my back and legs that feel like they are turning to mush.

“You aren’t missing anything”
- Yes, I truly believe you and your countless facebook posts about how brilliant your toddler is and how beautiful his crappy coloring is. Can’t forget the how many albums of little Jimmy’s “First” everything. And the cherry to this sundae is when you post on facebook how being a mother is the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Get out of my face because I’m about to shank your ass prison style.

“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”
- Says who? What brilliant philosopher came up with that one? Because at this point I’m feeling defeated and weak and at my breaking point. Will I be a better mother because of this? No. Will I be a better person because of this? No, well, maybe since I won’t be a heartless ass and say these types of things, but in general no. You know why people say this? Because no one wants to actually speak the truth and say this sucks and there’s no reason behind it and it’s not going to have some profound affect on how you look at life.

“It could be worse”
- That is exactly what every person who is venting wants to hear. They want to be reminded that this rollercoaster from hell could have a few more dips in it. I do understand there are women out there who are dealing with this on a whole different level and my heart goes out to them. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to vent or cry or scream. Do you tell someone who just did something amazing “eh, it’s been done better?” No, because that would make you an asshole. Well the same thing can be said with this one. Saying this is just a passive aggressive way of saying “quit your bitching” with just a little more class.

So the next time you go to say one of these sayings, just don’t. The person you’re talking to will thank me.