Let’s Just Get This Over With

I know I said I was going to wait until Saturday to test, but quite honestly I didn’t need a negative ruining my weekend so I just did it this morning. Figured I would rip it off like a band-aid. As I suspected, negative. Shocker! There weren’t any tears, but there was some eye rolling and perhaps a couple sarcastic comments. Overall though, I think I took it on the chin like a champ.

Now we wait for CD1 of cycle #4 which if my calculations are correct, should be Valentine’s Day. How romantic huh? Nothing says love like your body getting it’s cycle because your body once again failed to do what nature designed it to do. When I do hit CD1 the call will go in to my doctor to talk about our options. Bottom-line, I want off Clomid. While the drug may have gotten my ovaries going (blood tests did confirm ovulation) it obviously is not the medication that will take us all the way. I also cannot stand the mood swings anymore. This journey is emotional enough without adding the meds in there. So I am requesting a switcharoo in my meds and am going to push about the progesterone. While my LP has gotten significantly longer, I’m thinking I still might need a little more of a nudge. My temps drop early and typically that is an indicator AF was on her nasty way, but now I drop up to 6 days before she shows. So, I’m pushing the progesterone.

Depending what my doc wants to do, he might push for a break cycle between meds which fine by me. We’ll continue our efforts, but I might also take a charting break that month. Although, I say that now, but I’m sure I’ll have issues ditching the BBT and not knowing exactly what my body is doing. I try to tell myself with Spawn, we didn’t know. I was not charting that cycle. Maybe not charting is the trick. We’ll see though. I’m a huge control freak so I doubt I’ll be able to give that up.

I can say that this cycle was by far the most emotional one. I’m sure the meds had a lot to do with that, since my moods were swinging hardcore, but still hard nonetheless. There were the most tears, the most anger and the most bitter. The bitterness is bad. Oh lord, is it bad. I hate feeling this way too. I hate being angry at people for getting pregnant. I mean, how awful is that? It’s also been a real eye opener to me. I had sort of this come to Jesus meeting with myself and realized I need to make some changes and I need to make them like yesterday.