Just Call Me Veruca

I'm not exactly a happy woman right now. As I figured I got negative OPK's today. Don't let the pictures to confuse you. For some reason they showed up way darker than they actually are in real life. Especially tonight's test. The line is significantly lighter than the control line when seen in person. Even though I was expecting this and I did my best to prepare myself for it, realizing I basically threw this cycle away was a sucker punch to the gut. When I took my test this am I held my breath while it "developed." I kept willing the line to get darker, but it didn't. It stopped and the control line just kept going. I was on the verge of tears and then they hit when I got tonight's clear negative. All that monitoring and busting my ass to make sure I'm on top of what my body's doing and I dropped the ball. I never expected my ovulation to move up this much. Especially so abruptly. I hoped that every cycle it would move up a day or two, not FIVE. I think the worst part of this is I'm so incredibly disappointed in myself. A shot cycle due to my own lax attitude.

GIFSoup


So, we wait now for my temps to rise and then the LP wait. We'll see what my LP does and I'm willing AF to show ASAP so we can move onto cycle #3. Next cycle I'm going to end up being psychotic obsessive testing for my LH surge because it's our LAST cycle to get pregnant before we hit the 1 year mark from our original BFP and subsequent miscarriage. I can't stand the idea of being at 1 year later and still not pregnant. You'd think I would be used to this by now, but nope. I don't care how long this journey is, there is never a point that it gets easier. If anything, it just gets harder and harder.