Waiting on CD1

 Alright body, point taken. I am now waiting on CD1 for our second medicated cycle. I know it's on the horizon so I wish it would just come already. At this point I'm pretty neutral about it. I held onto the hope

that maybe my temp dip yesterday was implantation, but my further decline this morning pretty much set it in stone that this isn't our cycle. Despite the fact that my temp dipped, again, I still took an HPT. Stark white negative. I didn't even get an evap line.

So now we move onto our next cycle. Doc already made his decision as to what he's tweaking so we'll try again. I know progesterone is being added to the party, but I forgot to ask if he's upping my clomid. Note to self to call on Monday and ask.

Even though we didn't get pregnant this cycle and we won't be welcoming a 3rd generation Leo, I'm trying to find something positive in all this. I guess that would be at least my LP added another day, possibly two. 10/11 isn't fabulous by any means, but at least it's moving in the right direction. Have to try to hold onto that hope right? I guess we will be literally baby stepping it on this process.

I won't try to lie though and act like I'm taking this all so well. There were tears. Many tears in fact. I know everyone says you have to keep positive and keep your eye on the prize, but let me tell you that is way easier said than done. It's hard to keep the Pollyanna approach to this when you literally did everything in your power to make everything align properly and it still didn't work. It's a little defeating and when you already have a pretty rocky relationship with your own body, this just adds a little more fuel to that fire.

We'll keep moving forward though. There are a couple things I am going to tweak on our next cycle and I'm definitely going back to working out. I took a hiatus because my heart just wasn't into it. Hopefully getting back to running will help with the stress and give me an outlet for my emotions. If anything at least I'll lose more weight and be that much healthier for our next baby.